Election Officials Toss Back a Fishy Giveaway to Boost Voter Registration

Pork barrel, yes. Fish taco, no.

Be advised that the Republic is being safeguarded from the corruptive influence of free fish tacos.

Congresspeople are free to hustle votes by dragging dams and leaf-raking programs back to their districts. But a fish taco or popcorn or pizza or anything else of “ascertainable pecuniary value” to encourage political participation is strictly verboten.

Take the case of Ralph Rubio, owner of the 10 Rubio’s restaurant outlets in San Diego County, plus the Rubio’s stand at San Diego Jack Murphy Stadium.

He decided recently to do something to help boost the scandalously low turnout in local elections.

He would offer a free fish taco--his restaurants’ specialty--to anyone who registers to vote. He cares not a fig whether they register as a Democrat, Republican, Green, Flat-Earth or Vegetarian.

He even dreamed of giving a free fish taco (retail value, $1.44) to anyone flashing one of those “I Voted” stickers on Election Day. Silly him.

He checked with the San Diego city clerk’s office, where his suggestion set off sirens and whistles. The answer was firm: Absolutely, positively not.

The clerk’s office has fresh experience with this issue. Last year, it planned to offer free popcorn and a drawing for free pizzas as a way to lure San Diegans to register.

The local branch of the U.S. attorney’s office heard of the plan and ordered the clerk to cease and desist.

Federal law, it turns out, is quite vigilant on the matter. It is illegal to “induce” someone to register to vote or to actually vote by offering any giveaway, regardless of size, cost or edibility.

It doesn’t matter that you’re not inducing them to register or vote for any particular party or individual.

Negotiations between the U.S. attorney and the city attorney regarding the pizza-popcorn proposal were unavailing. “We couldn’t believe it,” said city elections officer Mikel Haas.

Neither could Rubio. He contacted the Federal Elections Commission and got the same message: pescados and politics don’t mix.

He’s hoping for an exemption, but it doesn’t look likely.

“It’s very frustrating,” Rubio said. “All I wanted to do was help.”

Color-Coordinated Corrections

Human voices.

* The city of San Diego is having financial woes.

Citizens are crying that cops should spend less time with paperwork and more time catching lawbreakers.

Now, Police Chief Bob Burgreen has found a way to help solve both problems. Henceforth, cops will no longer have to carry several bottles of different-colored correction fluid.

Burgreen this week ordered the following memo read at roll call:

“When making corrections on an original officer’s report, use white Liquid Paper. It is not necessary to match the color of Liquid Paper with the color of the form. This will necessitate an officer carrying only one bottle of Liquid Paper rather than an assortment.”

* A crew from “A Current Affair” will be prowling Tijuana nightspots tonight for an upcoming segment on underage drinking and other illegal revelry.

* George and Barbara, party animals.

A bipartisan crowd of 100-plus political insiders attended a Watch-the-State-of-the-Union-Address bash at a downtown pub, hosted by San Diego political fund-raiser Karolyn Dorsee.

There were even two last-minute arrivals, a couple who smiled a lot but remained quiet and rather stiff:

Six-foot cardboard cutouts of the President and Mrs.

* “Silk Stalkings,” the avant-garde TV cop show shot in San Diego, has been renewed for another 11 (kinky) episodes.

* The official slogan for Ray Saatjian’s congressional campaign: “Say Ray.”

* A fun-loving man in Escondido, using the registration-by-mail system, registered his cat to vote under the name Orange Guy.

The county registrar of voters, tipped to the gag, has given the fellow until Feb. 15 to sign a letter asking that his tabby be removed from the rolls.

If not, the case goes to the district attorney “for resolution.”

Deep Thoughts

North County bumper sticker: “Before You Can Change Your Mind, You Have to Have One.”