His Argument Has Some Holes in It

San Diego is the land of sun (most of the time), surf, sand and . . . opportunity.

I get this not from the Chamber of Commerce, which is undoubtedly preoccupied these days with convincing tourists that our sewage doesn’t stink.

No, I get this from Joe McIlvaine, who got his opportunity when the Padres hired him a year ago. They made him an executive vice president and rescued him from the clerical chores of being a mere vice president with the New York Mets.

McIlvaine made this revelation while addressing a “fan forum” at Hilltop High School Wednesday night.

To put it into context, understand that he was responding to a suggestion that the Padre lineup has more gaping holes than the sewer pipe alluded to previously.

“When you hear people talking about, ‘They’ve got this hole here and they’ve got that hole there,’ ” he said, “it’s not a hole. It’s an opportunity.”

Swiftly, McIlvaine completely changed my perceptions of all of San Diego sports. He will be pleased to know how receptive I am, because he has repeatedly complained about how the media goes about its business.

An example of this was his disappointment, expressed at the same forum, that newspapers do not write enough human interest stories in the off-season.

I had previously thought such a notion was off base. Considerable space has been devoted to the Padres’ situations at second base, third base and left field. This has been the case because there has been considerable interest in what humans might occupy those positions. That’s human interest, right?

However, the Padres came to construe such reporting as negative in nature, clearly a detriment to efforts at selling season tickets to people who are not interested merely in getting priority on All-Star tickets.

This line of thinking has come to a screeching halt. At first, I checked the dictionary to see if “hole” and “opportunity” were synonymous. Then a light went on. If a hole, in essence, is a place where nothing exists, then the word “hole” defines itself out of existence.

Hence, McIlvaine enlightens us. Since holes do not exist, we will change our focus to the positive and concentrate on the wonderful opportunities in our midst.

McIlvaine, indeed, might be called Mr. Opportunity, because he has a way of creating them. He did just that a year ago, when he filled opportunities at first base and shortstop and created them at second base and left field.

Not too long ago, McIlvaine created an opportunity at leadoff hitter by eliminating one at bullpen stopper. It will be a joy--note the positive attitude--to see who might knock, knock on that leadoff opportunity. This could be a nice opportunity for Carl Lewis or maybe Best Pal, if either one can figure out how to get on base.

Perhaps someone taking advantage of that opportunity could be opportunistic and play second base or third base or left field.

Be forewarned, however, that it would not be nice to fill all those positions with major league players, because this, after all, is a land of opportunity. You don’t want to be without any.

Fred Miller created an opportunity this week when he fired Jim Brandenburg as basketball coach. I am sure he soothed Brandenburg by telling him what an opportunity it would be for young Jim Harrick Jr. If Miller decides Harrick is not ready to be a head coach, as he probably will, then maybe Jerry Tarkanian will have an opportunity to escape the desolation of Nevada and occupy both his San Diego condominium and SDSU’s basketball coaching office.

Given that the Aztec basketball team is 2-20, there probably will be opportunities on the roster itself. Understand that there are no holes or weaknesses, just opportunities.

Bobby Ross, who came to have an opportunity to coach the Chargers because Dan Henning was fired, will be pleased to know that opportunities abound with his new team. He previously might have been concerned with holes at wide receiver and defensive back, but I now assure him he has no such things as holes because there are no such things as holes.

Life has just become much easier for Mr. Ross.

There would even seem to be opportunity with Stars & Stripes, which has been taking a beating in its skirmishes with America 3. When Dennis Conner took a one-day sabbatical to beg for financial support in Florida, John Bertrand had an opportunity to skipper the boat.

Lo and behold, Bertrand steered the boat to its first victory over America 3’s Defiant. Alas, Conner will return, making Bertrand available for other opportunities.

This being the land of opportunity, Bertrand has his choice of leading off for the Padres, playing wide receiver for the Chargers, maybe coaching the Aztecs. He can take his pick.

What a wonderful place to be.

Thanks, Joe.