STAGE REVIEW : ‘Rainbow Bar’ Doomed by Bad Acting, One-Liners : * Bruce Graham’s play about global destruction, suicide, redeeming love and divine intervention, among other things, is dragged down by drum-roll punch lines.

Nuclear holocaust--now there’s a catchy idea for a sitcom.

Actually, Bruce Graham’s “Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille,” at the Long Beach Playhouse’s Studio Theatre through April 28, isn’t really a product of television, but it sure comes across that way.

The first act echoes with the sound of one-liners thudding against themselves and the stock characters Graham hopes we’ll fall in love with. Or at least be interested in. And even the more compelling second act--in which Graham introduces the celestial, enigmatic, all-knowing Joe--is dragged down by all those drum-roll punch lines.

Looking past the jokes, one can spy a glimmer of how big Graham’s ambition really is--he’s trying to write about global destruction, suicide, redeeming love and divine intervention, among other things--but that peek is more frustrating than enlightening.

The setting is a battered bar in dusty nowhere, USA. Shep (Don E. Dotter) minds the store but mostly thinks about his crummy life. Then a spate of locals appears--mousy mechanic Roy (Timothy John Pacific), paramilitary wacko Willy (Michael-Shawn O’Leary), tattered sexpot Shirley (Shelley Poncy) and pretty gym teacher Virginia (Robin Dunne).

Shep digs Virginia, which is surprising, considering how uptight she is. Roy just wants to get out of town and make it to Disney World before the end comes. Willy is into wanting to kill everybody who annoys him (his dentist heads the hit list) and Shirley dreams of some last-minute wish fulfillment. She wants Shep.

Anyway, there’s vague talk about global disaster (the West Coast has been the first to go) and who’s to blame. It’s either the Russians, the Arabs or the Chinese, nobody’s sure. The mysterious Joe (Wendell Gover) shows up and everything lurches to an over-the-top finale as everybody goes a little bonkers. By this time, we’re glad the bombs are heading their way.

There’s probably no way to salvage “Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille” but great, elevating acting always helps. Unfortunately, you don’t get that at the Long Beach Playhouse this time; the cast, directed by Kathleen D. Cooper, seems as uncomfortable with this mishmash as we are. The actors take Graham’s excessive characters and pump them up to absurdity, which might be OK with some modern farce, but here it just helps expose the fault lines.

The production values are decent, though. John B. Vertrees’ lighting is rudimentary but effective, and Deborah A. Adams’ barroom set has all the grimy pieces in place.

“Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille”

A Long Beach Playhouse production of Bruce Graham’s comedy. Directed by Kathleen D. Cooper. With Don E. Dotter, Timothy John Pacific, Michael-Shawn O’Leary, Brian Nahas, Shelley Poncy, Robin Dunne and Wendell Gover. Set by Deborah A. Adams. Lighting by John B. Vertrees. Sound by Clyde Bolton. Continues Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. through April 18 with matinees April 5 and 12 at 2, at the Studio Theatre, 5021 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach. Tickets: $9 and $10. (310) 494-1616.