Upright congressman? U.S. Rep. Robert K. Dornan...

Upright congressman? U.S. Rep. Robert K. Dornan used to be known as B-1 Bob for his support of that bomber. Suffice it to say he’ll never be known as United Airlines Bob.

Dornan has sued United for booting him off an L.A.-Chicago flight last April because he insisted on partly reclining his seat--in violation of airline rules--as the plane was taxiing down a runway. Fellow conservatives were shocked because Dornan is, of course, a strong law-and-order advocate.

The Republican congressman claims the attendant ignored his explanation that he was under a doctor’s orders not to sit upright after undergoing hip surgery.

An argument ensued, and the attendant complained to the pilot. By this time, the legislator claims, he had complied with the order. But the pilot taxied back to the terminal and Dornan was bounced quicker than a congressman’s check.

He was forced to wait an hour at the airport for his wife to pick him up. “I was on the bench with my crutches,” he said afterward, “like a little waif.”

United declined to comment on the matter. Witnesses said that passengers angered over the delay applauded Dornan’s departure.

Decline of civilization (cont.): “Remember that legendary tale of Hollywood hopefuls sitting at the lunch counter in Schwab’s Drugstore on Sunset Boulevard just waiting to be discovered?” says a press release from Entertainment Wire. “Well, the legend has been revived for the ‘90s.”

And who was the latter-day Lana Turner? An “inflatable butt-balloon used as a promotional item” on the roof of a Hollywood record store to promote a record album. The 15-foot-by-20-foot balloon, which is shaped like a nude posterior, was spotted by a producer, who signed it up for a Warner Bros. movie.

In a rare show of good taste we are not showing the photo.

Dueling signs: Jeri Anderson came upon a directional battleground in Glendale where the right-turn-only warning seems to be triumphing over the no-right-turn warning, which is reclining like a certain congressman.

“I Am I Said” (updated): The blazing temperatures have inspired G.T. Rosalia of Upland to parody a Neil Diamond hit of the ‘70s:

L.A.’s dyin’,

The smog’s thick most of the time,

And the feeling is,

“Get the %& outta my way, Jack!”

Palm trees cry,

And rents are high

But, you know, keep thinking ‘bout

Making my way back.

Alive.

(Kinda makes you want to buckle into an upright position and fly out of here, doesn’t it?)

miscelLAny:

In the 1920s and 1930s, Southern California had two airlines that operated out of Wilmington: Wilmington Catalina Airlines and Western Air Express. Both flew overseas--to Catalina.