A Survivor’s Guide to Walt Disney World With a Family : It was expensive and exausting, but the kids were so amused that they forgot to fight.

We just got back from Walt Disney World. The kids had a great time. Now I need a vacation.

Lesson No. 1: A visit to Disney World with children is not (I cannot stress this enough) a relaxing experience. Don’t count on lazy afternoons around the hotel pool. There’s too much the kids want to do . . . or it might rain, as it did when we were there.

Lesson No. 2: Disney World with children is expensive. Expect to spend all you brought and then some. Don’t forget your credit cards. Four-day passes for a family of four will set you back more than $400. And that’s before you even walk through Main Street or the Communicore (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) in Epcot Center or Hollywood Boulevard at Disney-MGM Studios. The cheapest hotel rooms inside the park are more than $80 and, unfortunately, are far more convenient than staying elsewhere.

Lesson No. 3: Disney World is so overwhelming and so big (43 square miles packed with everything from restaurants to water parks to every ride imaginable) it requires advance planning even for those who thrive on spontaneity. As you spread out your guidebooks and maps on the kitchen table, trying to make sense of them before you leave home. Think of your family as an army unit preparing an assault.

They’re not kidding when they tell you to book early to have breakfast with the cartoon characters, dinner with Cinderella or, most importantly, to watch the Hoop-Dee-Doo Musical Revue. (Some seasons, it’s booked weeks ahead.) But remember, no matter how much you plan or how long you stay, it’s virtually impossible to cover every attraction.

Lesson No. 4: Disney World is an unreal place and don’t expect reality to intrude. Everyone is happy and well-fed. Everything is clean. Everyone is courteous. All children, no matter how obnoxious, are greeted with a smile. Don’t be suspicious. Wait until you get home to feel guilty about all the world’s problems. Just block all that out temporarily and relax.

Lesson No. 5: Disney World is fun. Keep telling yourself you’re there for enjoyment. That’s what I kept reminding my husband as we waited in line for 30 minutes to ride a three-minute attraction, stood watching a parade in the rain, and shelled out money for everything from a stuffed Dumbo to those huge lollipops kids insist they must have but then never eat, to Minnie Mouse ears. (“How can you leave Disney World without ears?” 6-year-old Regina insisted. We even had to bring back a pair for her kindergarten teacher.)

Lesson No. 6: Disney World is a place to indulge your kids. Why else are you there? We certainly did--from morning until they dropped, exhausted, on their expensive pillows at night. But I confess we had a great time watching them fulfill every fantasy, whether it was meeting Minnie Mouse for Regina or shooting at pirates for 8-year-old Matt. Isn’t that what childhood is about? Isn’t that one reason we’re all working so hard?

Consider that we willingly plunked down more than $120 for the Hoop-Dee-Doo Dinner theater, a hoedown-style show accompanied by an all-you-can-eat meal of chicken, ribs, corn on the cob and strawberry shortcake (as much as a play would cost in the city, I told myself).

Was it worth it? Sure--to see our kids so enthralled that they forgot to fight with each other. A week later, they were still talking about it.

Consider our first day. Up at 7 to breakfast with Minnie Mouse, Chip and Dale, Goofy and various other huge fuzzy beings at 8:15 at the Polynesian Resort.

Like many Disney restaurants, this one is a buffet ($9.95 for adults, $6.95 for kids) and Mom pinch-hits as waitress because no one else in the family will leave the table for fear of missing Minnie. Dad, instructed by 6-year-old daughter, has his camera poised. (Don’t forget yours.) But 8-year-old son refuses to even say “hi” to Minnie, much less pose for pictures. He’s far too cool for such kids’ stuff. One-year-old Melanie, meanwhile, screams in terror when the first character, an oversized version of Goofy, drops by our table for a visit.

The food is plentiful, well-prepared but somewhat bland: scrambled eggs, Danish, French toast and fruit salad, among other offerings. Mom manages a few bites of egg and sips of coffee.

Lesson No. 7: Don’t expect gourmet fare or relaxing meals at most places. Although some restaurants at Epcot are said to be excellent, we couldn’t get reservations. (Book early.)

After breakfast, we headed for the Magic Kingdom, stopping for the obligatory picture in front of Cinderella’s Castle. (Disney World has little signs telling you where you can make the most of your photo opportunity.)

We checked on our reservations for dinner at Cinderella’s Castle (the only way to see the inside of the castle). We proceeded to Frontierland because Matthew couldn’t wait to buy the Davy Crockett rifle he’d been dreaming about for weeks.

Lesson No. 8: There is a plus side to buying souvenirs early. It was never our intention to go shopping at 10 a.m., but to quiet demands that began the moment our kids woke up, we dropped by a gift shop. In retrospect, it worked out well. After they chose their souvenirs (in addition to Matt’s rifle, a stuffed Chip character for Regina, Dumbo for Melanie), they didn’t bother with shops for the rest of the day. Although we had to lug around their purchases, it saved untold hours later when they were tired and probably would not have chosen as quickly or as happily.

We alternated rides-with-waits with attractions-with-no-waits--a good strategy, it turned out. Our kids loved Tom Sawyer’s Island, for example, where they could run and jump as much as they pleased, shooting air guns from the top of the fort. They liked it as much as some of the more popular attractions such as “It’s a Small World” and “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

Forget “Space Mountain,” the most popular of them all. Our kids chickened out. But they willingly stood in the rain to watch the spectacular Surprise Celebration Parade and weren’t ready to quit even after 11 hours at the park.

Lesson No. 9: The kids won’t like what you think they will and won’t follow any rational rules of behavior. Both Reggie and Matt, for example, couldn’t get enough of Disney’s 3-year-old MGM Theme Park the next day, while they didn’t mind skipping Mickey’s house or other more traditional rides in the Magic Kingdom.

They happily would have spent all afternoon cavorting among the giant Legos and blades of grass in the “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” adventure zone, watching Indiana Jones’ special effects, seeing the Ninja Turtles or donning 3-D glasses to view the Muppets taking Hollywood. Star Tours, a special-effects flight simulator through hyperspace, was “awesome,” according to Matt. Somehow, the movie characters seemed closer to their lives, I guess.

Epcot Center, which we feared would bore them totally, also intrigued them--from the ride through a 12-year-old’s brain with Commander Buzzy at the helm, to the highly entertaining film on how babies are born, to an inspired ride through the imagination.

Lesson No. 10: Know your kids’ tolerance for lines. Ours invariably got hungry, thirsty or needed a restroom as soon as we got so deep into a line that it was impossible to get out. Have some strategies to keep squabbling siblings apart.

Still, they wanted to wait to see the attractions they really cared about. We also made sure we were prepared with sunglasses, snacks, sweat shirts, even ponchos during the rainstorm (Disney conveniently sells them for less than $5 in bright yellow, with Mickey Mouse on the back.)

Lesson No. 11: Forget waiting in line to see something you want to see. What parents want doesn’t count in Disney World. That goes for attractions, food, even the desire for a nap.

Lesson No. 12: You will have fun. I’m glad we went. It’s just not an experience I want to repeat immediately. But be forewarned: Our kids already are talking about next time.

GUIDEBOOK

Disney Travel Guides to Buy

Recommended guidebooks: “Disney World and Beyond: The Ultimate Family Guidebook” by Stacy Ritz (Ulysses Press, $9.95). Easy-to-read, covers each park, offers strategies for surviving lines (including games to be played while waiting), where to nurse a baby, attractions outside Disney World. I carried this with me and found it the most useful.

“Family Fun Cards” (also by Ritz, $7.95). A guidebook of cards that each covers one ride, rates it and provides time-saving tips. Shuffle cards so they follow order in which to see attractions.

“The 1992 Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World” by Bob Sehlinger (Prentice Hall Press, $11; also “Unofficial Guide to Disneyland”). A strategist’s dream, includes details on when best to visit, Orlando traffic patterns and descriptions of attractions. Many swear by this book, but if you’re not particularly organized, itineraries may be difficult to follow.

“Birnbaum’s Walt Disney World: The Official Guide” (Avon Books, $10.95; also for Disneyland). Revised annually, this is Disney World as Disney people see it. Lavish color photos, glowing descriptions and drawings of the Disney characters; it was my 6-year-old’s favorite. Informative, complete with hotel prices and tips on when to make restaurant reservations, but no ride-by-ride tips on how to beat the crowds.