Mr. Malfunction Junction: Bill Keene’s forecast for...

Mr. Malfunction Junction: Bill Keene’s forecast for Thursday is a mild traffic jam on Vine, just north of Sunset, around 11:30 a.m.

That’s where and when he’ll be receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in recognition of his four decades of smog alerts, SigAlerts, marine layers and four-levels for KNX radio and Channel 2 news.

We hope the ceremony includes tapes of Keene’s golden oldies, such as the comment he made when the California Highway Patrol arrived at a spill of tuna on the Santa Ana Freeway. “You’ve got fish and ‘CHiPs,”’ Keene observed.

Incidentally, he isn’t going to drive to the event, even though he wouldn’t have to battle Poop-Out Hill or Thou Shalt Not Pass (see List of the Day below) to get there.

“They’re taking me in a limo and it’s only two blocks away--can you believe it?” said Keene. He shouldn’t be surprised. Nobody walks in L.A.

List of the day: A Keene Traffic Congestion Sampler:

1--Poop-Out-Hill: Sepulveda Pass (405).

2--Thou-Shalt-Not Pass: Cahuenga Pass (101).

3--Commerce Creep: That portion of Santa Ana Freeway (5) where drivers stop to gawk at the old Assyrian-style tire factory, now converted into the Citadel shopping center.

4--Puente Pause: Where Puente Avenue crosses the San Bernardino Freeway (10).

5--South Bay Curve: San Diego Freeway (405), south of LAX.

6--Malfunction Junction: The East L.A. interchange (5, 10, 60, 101).

Now let’s talk about parking: No sooner did we report that some redundant street signs on Hewitt Street in downtown L.A. allow 10-hour parking between 6 a.m. and 4 p.m. than Etan Markowitz spotted a parking meter on Broadway in Santa Monica that allows 10-hour parking between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.

And north of the South Bay Curve . . . An ad in the L.A. Business Journal for a business development along the San Diego Freeway says: “Over 250,000 cars pass Howard Hughes Center every day. Only a select few enjoy the privilege of parking there.” Actually, anyone attempting to pass the center during rush-hour suffers the questionable privilege of parking on the 405.

Campaign dirty trick?There was Lt. Gov. Leo McCarthy, looking so dignified during a debate with other U.S. Senate hopefuls, Mel Levine and Barbara Boxer, at the studios of KCRW-FM in Santa Monica. Little did McCarthy know that the nameplate in front of him was misspelled, an error that Don Jennett of Redondo Beach and others noticed in a Times photo. Funny thing--we can spell “Lieutenant Governor”--we just don’t know what one does.

miscelLAny:

When Bill Keene joined Channel 2 in 1957, the station had two 15-minute local newscasts and one 15-minute network newscast each evening. Yup, viewers had to live with just 45 minutes of news per day.