STAGE REVIEW : Star Turns Propel a Slim ‘Lungfish’

The joys of “Wrong Turn at Lungfish” are simple. They are the joys of watching fine craftsmen at work, from actors George C. Scott, Laurie Metcalf and Tony Danza to writers Lowell Ganz and Garry Marshall (who also directs).

What they provide is a slender dramedy (the term applies) that cries out for a dignified extended life on the small screen. If this suggests to you that the play isn’t breaking new ground, you’ve guessed correctly. And while “Lungfish” has its measure of caustic and funny one-liners delivered by actors who understand timing, the characters they play are formulaic: true to type and given more to sound bites than to Schopenhauer, even if the play does invoke the philosopher’s name along with that of poets Baudelaire and T.S. Eliot.

Fear not. There are no literary pretensions in “Lungfish,” just a curmudgeonly former university dean named Peter Ravenswaal (Scott) who is dying of an undisclosed ailment and wants to spend whatever time he has left dwelling on “fundamental questions of existence.” (Albert Brenner has supplied a basic hospital room set.)

Brain cancer is the likely disease, since the man is blind, suffers memory lapses and talks about going deaf before it’s over. Meanwhile, he deliberately alienates everyone by behaving badly in that ingratiating way designed to instantly seduce an audience.

Only Anita Merendino (Metcalf), a bimbo who comes to read to him, seems impervious to his bluster. She’s unfazed by it rather than undeterred. This so astounds the professor that he keeps on listening, even when her worldly problems, especially the ones with violent boyfriend Dominic (Danza), get squarely in the way of the reflection on life’s Big Questions.

No point in going on with the plot (you’re entitled to a few surprises). It’s “The Man Who Came to Dinner” meets “Moonstruck.” Metcalf, with her Italian-American accent, her impossibly tight and funky clothes (the work of Erin Quigley) and her dead-on logic, is Cher without trying. That this character reads at all is a marvel in itself.

Scott, with his august gray beard and mustache, could pass for Monty Wooley--a picture of crotchety, vigorous health that makes it hard, however, to believe he’s dying. But there’s not an unnecessary move, a false inflection, an overdone gesture or a moment of inattention in his performance. Playing a blind man means he listens with the concentration of a tiger.

The two are terrific together. It’s their show, because while Danza is the classic dim-witted hunk who does what he’s called on to do just fine, his role is a lot more peripheral, devoid of real moments, and confined to the second act. Kelli Williams’ acerbic student nurse is even more marginal, though she capably fulfills her function.

The title of the play is explained in the text. It’s about humanity possibly having made the wrong turn at the lungfish level on the evolutionary ladder.

The moral of the play is equally clear and as ancient as the world itself. You’ll find it, for starters, in “Pygmalion” and “Educating Rita.” This professor needs to feel he’s left a useful legacy. Turning around the life of this disadvantaged, fundamentally good, instinctual and naturally bright young woman is the right turn at lungfish--and legacy enough.

But is it play enough? Not really. Shorn of its vital performances, “Lungfish’s” loopholes might prove fatal. They would certainly loom larger and its one-liners seem thinner. Marshall and Ganz, who premiered the play at Chicago’s Steppenwolf last year, must have an agenda going. A next step in front of the cameras may not be a bad guess (though it’s only a guess). For the stage, however, “Lungfish” doesn’t quite have the lungs for a long haul. It’s a transparent little entertainment that tugs mildly at the heartstrings and is good for a couple of hours.

Anyone interested in seeing the firepower generated by Metcalf and Scott have until June 7, when Metcalf leaves the cast to be replaced by Laura San Giacomo.

“Wrong Turn at Lungfish,” Coronet Theatre, 366 N. La Cienega Blvd., West Hollywood. Tuesdays-Saturdays, 8 p.m.; Sundays, 7:30 p.m.; Wednesdays, Sundays, 2:30 p.m. Ends June 28. $20-$28.50; (310) 652-9199. Running time: 2 hours, 10 minutes.

George C. Scott:Peter Ravenswaal

Laurie Metcalf:Anita Merendino

Tony Danza:Dominic De Caesar

Kelli Williams:Nurse

Producers James B. Freydberg, Jeffrey Ash, Jean Van Tuyle. Associate producer Blair Richwood. Director Garry Marshall. Playwrights Garry Marshall, Lowell Ganz. Sets and lights Albert Brenner. Costumes Erin Quigley. Sound Richard Woodbury. Production stage manager Cheri Catherine Cary.