What Families Really Value : DOLORES DiNOIA : ‘Child Care and Health Insurance Are Totally Out of Reach’

Has your family had its moral fiber today? And who determines the nutritional content and dosage, anyway?

Dan Quayle scolded TV’s Murphy Brown for “mocking the importance of fathers by bearing a child alone and calling it just another ‘lifestyle choice.’ ” With that condemnation, he started a national debate over family values--and the definition of the family itself.

Only about a third of U.S. families fit the traditional pattern of a working dad and a mom at home with the kids. If that structure is changing, what does that say for “traditional family values”?

Southern Californians--including a Latina great-grandmother, a Korean-American student and a black working couple--concur that family values are crucial but don’t necessarily agree on what those values are.

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Dolores DiNoia, 25, lives in Bellflower with her boyfriend and their children, a 5-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. DiNoia was on welfare for 2 1/2 years, but recently went back to work as a computer operator in a hospital.

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“I believe in marriage, a white picket fence--all those good things. But life doesn’t work that way any more,” DiNoia says. “Decent child care and health insurance are totally out of reach. There’s no hope of saving enough for the picket fence.

“We would have gotten married when I got pregnant, but we realized we’d need help and I couldn’t get (welfare) if I was married. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t want welfare. But my boyfriend works six days a week as a landscaper and I was working, and we still couldn’t afford decent child care or health insurance. So I went on welfare. I wanted to give my kids a strong start, to be there for them. But welfare robs you of your self-respect. I went off of it as soon as I could.”

DiNoia says she has a message for the vice president of the United States:

“Please tell Mr. Quayle that 95% of welfare mothers would be working if they had good child care. In fact, I think government should take away all welfare money and put it into low-cost or free child-care centers. The mothers would be thrilled. They don’t want the money. They want safety and an education for their kids.”

Although she disagrees with Quayle’s rhetoric, DiNoia says she is teaching her kids to respect authority, “and if the person in authority is wrong, I’m teaching them how to handle the situation without taking matters into their own hands. I don’t want them in trouble.

“I teach them about God,” she continues. “And I’d like them to respect others, no matter what the person’s skin color. I want my kids to help others and be kind.

“Most of all, I want to give my kids what Mr. Quayle is always talking about: a good upbringing and a stable family structure and a good education. I want them to believe that if they work hard, they can get ahead.”