Courting Sales

Crime may not pay, but being a judge sure can.

Joining Cher, Anthony Robbins and Jane Fonda on the growing list of “infomercial” celebrities is Judge Joseph A. Wapner of television’s “The People’s Court.” The retired Los Angeles Superior Court judge stars in a new infomercial selling legal advice tapes.

The program even features a testimonial from celebrity lawyer Alan Dershowitz, no doubt making him the first Harvard Law School professor to appear in an infomercial (those late-night cable programs that look a lot like television shows but that are really one long commercial.)

Who’s next? According to Infomercial Marketing Report in Santa Monica, new stars include Robin Leach and Dr. Joyce Brothers on a new “Micro-Diet” infomercial, Raquel Welch on a skin care show, and Joan Rivers and Farrah Fawcett on an upcoming program touting the “California Contour” facial massage and body toner.

Another budding infomercial star is Democratic presidential candidate Bill Clinton. No doubt Jerry Brown wishes he had copyrighted the idea.

Statistically Incorrect

The political satire troupe Gross National Product has left the Odyssey Theater in West Los Angeles after a brief run that critics gave a lukewarm reception.

Not that anyone asked, but we suggest that the Washington-based group may have better luck with a name overhaul. After all, the Commerce Department no longer even releases Gross National Product figures, opting instead for the Gross Domestic Product as the indicator of choice for measuring the economy.

Making the Grade

The much maligned Resolution Trust Corp. has been given an A+ for something, although the agency probably wishes it had flunked.

In the new book “The Official Government Auction Guide,” author George Chelekis rates the best government auction programs in 1992. Unfortunately, a high grade means the auctions are good deals for bargain hunters, with taxpayers getting stiffed.

Chelekis says the RTC, which is selling assets from failed thrifts, “may go cap in hand to Congress for billions, but they’re selling their goods for pennies.”

The RTC ranks slightly ahead of the Department of Defense, which got only an A from Chelekis. “Thank God their auction staff is not guarding our nation from terrorists,” he says.

Briefly . . .

Quaylevision: A San Diego-area video distributor says it plans to distribute videos reflecting “traditional family values” . . . Big surprise: A survey by the National Assn. of Home Builders finds that cost and location are the main factors renters consider when looking for an apartment . . . Any llamas on board?: Federal Express is boasting that it flew a record 125 tons of cargo from Los Angeles to Frankfurt when it transported singer Michael Jackson’s “Dangerous” tour set.