Something to See, but Not Much to Eat

“Don’t Go Near the Water” was one of those screwball comedies of the pre-Kennedy era that no one took seriously, but the title, for whatever reason, lingers in the memory. The movie came back to me in mini-flashbacks while I dined at John Dominis, a glitzy restaurant that boasts of a prime perch overlooking Newport Harbor.

Why restaurants with commanding views generally serve disappointing food remains one of life’s unsolved mysteries, and that goes double for places near water. It should be said, though, John Dominis is in another league from most of the places that line the Coast Highway from Seal Beach to San Clemente. It has a truly splendid view, a million-dollar decor and possibly, on weekends, the hottest bar scene around. But after five years in operation, it still serves food that makes you long for a simple plate of boiled shrimp on a Louisiana dock, or a piece of grilled snapper on a Mexican beach.

It’s not as if they don’t try to make you happy. Walking--no, make that sweeping-- down the stairs to your copper-topped table, you pass the panoramic windows and rock waterfalls (trucked in stone by stone from some forgotten distant shore) that are the true dinner theater of Orange County. Waiters and busboys in colorful Hawaiian shirts keep the show going with hokey Hawaiian greetings (aloha! mahalo!), and you recline in your cushy Islander chairs and conjure images of Charlton Heston, whip in hand, returning from the cane fields for a cool drink.

John Dominis has a sister restaurant in Honolulu, by the way, and this is, in fairness, exactly the sort of place you find in the Islands. Those who find the romance of the Trade Winds irresistible should be perfectly happy here.

You have to squint to find anything simple on this menu, but when you do, it’s often the best choice. For example, although this is a seafood restaurant, it lists superb lamb chops and steaks, although they are by no means enhanced by the amateurish sauces. This kitchen is big on prime ingredients--fresh vegetables and fish, choice cuts of meat; if only they had the good sense to leave them alone.

For $37.95 you can have a plate of fresh Mexican abalone, heavily breaded and so doused in white wine, butter and capers that you could be eating one of those frozen veal patties and never know the difference. For $33.95 you get succulent large tiger prawns. Order them broiled plain and you are in good shape, but give in to the temptation (recommended by the menu) to try them stir-fried in the kitchen’s inedible, overwhelmingly salty black bean sauce, and you’ll never know just how good they can be.

Appetizers and salads follow along the same lines. Bamboo-steamed won tons come in an attractive steamer dish, surrounded by colorful deep-fried noodles. But the shrimp filling is totally bland, and an orange- shoyu (soy) sauce adds nothing but sweetness. Shrimp lumpia are Filipino-style egg rolls--crisp, yes, but again relatively flavorless, and certainly without any pronounced shrimp flavor. I rather like the sauteed crab cakes, which are served on a grilled corn relish with a delicate (for this restaurant) brown sesame butter sauce, although purists will argue that they taste more like fish than crab, which is a fact. (Perhaps they are a mixture of the two.)

The thick, floury clam chowder has an abundance of chopped clams and potatoes, but it’s bland and generic--it could have come from a can, for all I could tell. The waiters push the grilled asparagus and braised endive salad, perhaps because the vegetables are snappy-fresh. I’m not sure why the kitchen drowns them in an oily, pungent smoked bacon vinaigrette, because they would be a lot tastier by themselves.

No complaints, though, about starters that leave the good ingredients alone, such as fresh oysters, fresh clams, smoked salmon or poached lobster, available separately or in a combination called From Neptune’s Table. Ditto for sashimi, which employs beautiful strips of fresh Hawaiian ahi.

Fresh fish such as swordfish, halibut, salmon, mahi mahi, opakapaka, onaga and ahi are available every day, and the kitchen will cook them almost any way you can think of. Steaming them plain with ginger, scallions and wine is one appealing option, and having them broiled in butter is another. I didn’t dare try any of the fancier preparations, such as en papillote (baked in parchment with a veloute of diced seafood) or sauteed (with--what else?--macadamia nuts, as well as capers, mushrooms, garlic and cream).

And here’s why I didn’t dare. Entrees such as crab-stuffed prawns and wok of seafood demonstrate what happens when John Dominis sneaks too many ingredients into a dish. The prawns, those beautiful tigers, get stuffed with a gooey crab mixture with a bizarre mustard crust and served on something called bean succotash. Wok of seafood is a tired, soy-drenched melange of shrimp, lobster, scallops and squid with Chinese vegetables. Go to your local Chinese restaurant for a better--and cheaper--version.

Desserts are good here: a creamy Bailey’s ice cream pie; a thick, dense wedge of pure fudge they call chocolate mousse; a flavorful passion fruit cheesecake. And despite the high prices, most people seem to leave this place smiling.

The valet confirmed that as we handed him our parking chit. “Here’s 20 bucks,” joked my friend, as he eyeballed a six-figure Porsche parked next to the door. “Give me the keys to that Porsche.”

“Heck,” said the valet, “I get that much just for bringing people their cars.”

John Dominis is expensive. Appetizers are $5.95 to $29. Entrees are $12.95 to $37.95.

* JOHN DOMINIS

* 2901 W. Coast Highway, Newport Beach.

* *(714) 650-5112.

* Dinner nightly, 5:30 to midnight. Sunday brunch, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

* All major cards accepted.