Starting Your Own Group for Men

Most smaller men’s groups start by word of mouth, with the workplace often fertile ground for the formation of a group, according to author Ken Byers.

The leader is generally the person who has been instrumental in creating the group, and his most crucial job may be getting a firm commitment from the members to actually meet regularly, said Byers, who wrote “Man in Transition” and has addressed several large men’s gatherings at MiraCosta College.

The group should remain flexible and spontaneous, Byers said. In a trusting environment, group members will have opportunities to discover things they might have otherwise overlooked. The point is to encourage an honest discourse, and make meaningful communication a habit.

“Our problems and concerns are not unique,” Byers said. “In fact, they are often shared by others who may have developed ways of dealing with them that can be beneficial to us, and vice versa.”

There are no ironclad rules, but the following are some general suggestions from Byers for starting a group:

* Twelve men is about the maximum you want, with eight being the optimum.

* Other than comfort rules, such as no smoking, a few basic rules should be established regarding confidentiality, term of commitment and rules of order.

* Keep the discussion from becoming an exercise in advice-giving.

* Cover the football scores, politics or whatever in the first 5 minutes.

* Provide snacks and drinks.

* Try to keep the meeting in one place.

* Ask the quiet ones to share.

* Avoid allowing one person to take over.

* Don’t limit talk time.

* Don’t over-organize the meeting.

* Avoid building in breaks that would disrupt the continuity.

* Don’t use outside speakers to direct the meeting.