Fantasy Beats Reality for One Who Would Be The King

If you’re a diva, your goal is to play the Met. A violin virtuoso dreams of Carnegie Hall.

If you’re an Elvis Presley impersonator, it’s Las Vegas or bust.

Elvis impersonators perform at joints big and small up and down the strip. Elvis impersonators man 24-hour wedding chapels and are in high demand for private gigs.

But the king of the Elvis impersonators--judged by crowds and marquee size--is in the “Legends in Concert” show at the Imperial Palace Hotel and Casino.

Naturally, this Elvis impersonator is a former San Diegan: Greg Miller, 34, graduate of Clairemont High (class of ‘75) and ex-business major at UC San Diego.

A year ago Greg Miller was selling Goodyear tires in Las Vegas. Then he saw “Legends” and his show-business fever (previously in remission) flared.

He wangled an audition. He was told he was good, but not good enough. Practice, practice, practice.

He worked for months on his Elvis pout, his Elvis hip swivel and his Elvis sexy voice. He joined “Legends” in May and dropped his tire-selling job like a hot rock.

Also in the show are impersonators doing Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, Roy Orbison, Tom Jones, Liberace, Neil Diamond and the Blues Brothers. Miller does six Elvis songs.

His “Viva Las Vegas” is the show’s finale: two shows a night, six nights a week, $17.50 for adults (which includes two drinks), $8.95 for kids under 12.

He did a month of Elvis at Bally’s in Reno. He’s leaving soon to do Elvis on an ocean cruise. He’s got a three-year contract at “Legends.”

He thinks many of his competitors are “kooks.”

“A lot of guys doing Elvis lose sight of the line between the show and the reality,” Miller says. “I think getting plastic surgery, wanting somebody else’s face on your head, shows a certain identity problem.”

He loves the music and the showmanship and the audience reaction. That’s where it stops:

“When people ask if I want to be Elvis, I remind them that Elvis died at age 42, had a four-year unsuccessful marriage, lived in a cocoon for 25 years surrounded by paid lackeys, and died a miserable, lonely, unhappy man.

“No, I don’t want to be Elvis.”

Judging by the Comments . . .

Judge not, lest ye . . .

The Almanac of the Federal Judiciary, a private effort to let lawyers evaluate the nation’s federal judges, is out with a volume assessing the black robes of San Diego.

The volume provides biographies and (anonymous) comments by attorneys. Some good, some poking.

William B. Enright : “He’s vicious, he’s mean-spirited, he’s cruel, and he thinks he’s none of these things.”

Earl. B. Gilliam: “He’s very courteous and a very laid-back guy. His trouble is that he falls asleep on the bench.”

Judith N. Keep : “She’s anal compulsive about her calendar.”

Gordon Thompson Jr. : “He’s a demon in the courtroom.” “He’s sort of eccentric--he blows a lot of hot air.” “When he’s in a good mood he’s great, but when he’s tense, he’ll start clipping you off at the knees.”

Howard B. Turrentine: “He’s manipulative and cranky.” “He’s a curmudgeon.”

Potty-Trained too Early?

It takes all kinds.

* The Huggie caper.

A man in Escondido has been arrested for indecent exposure after allegedly duping a female day-care worker into changing his diaper by falsely claiming to be mentally retarded.

When police arrived to arrest the 22-year-old, they found him in a playpen sucking on a pacifier.

* Something called the All-African People’s Revolutionary Party is planning a rally today at San Ysidro Park to agitate for an open border.

The rally also has a second purpose: A show of solidarity with the Shining Path movement, the Maoist guerrillas in Peru.

* Death to music.

Yes, the county coroner’s office last week spiced up the nighttime news tape (reporters call it, looking for timely stories about untimely deaths) with some James Bond theme music.

No, it will not happen again.

Inappropriate and undignified, says a coroner’s supervisor. He’s issued a strict no-music order.