ROCKTALK / NOTES : Wolf Music : Los Lobos plays at a dinner benefit for builders of low-income housing.

”. . . And a bald wig for Jack the Ripper who sits at the head of the Chamber of Commerce . . .”

--Bob Dylan

It came as a bit of a surprise to see Los Lobos, and not Concrete Blonde or some more appropriately named band, playing to a group of developers recently at the venerable Ventura Theatre. After all, developers are people who like to pave over everything for profit, right?

Then I heard who the dinner was for and it all made sense. The soiree was in fact to honor the Cabrillo Economic Development Corp. for its 10 years of building low-cost housing in Ventura County, much of which was for farm workers.

This time, Raging Arb & the Redheads didn’t open for Los Lobos, but the theater did allow dancing, and there were lots of local movers and pavers out there to shake a leg.

“I’ve known the band for 12 years through my brother,” said CEDC Director Rodney Fernandez. “We went through their management to play for us at a reduced rate because we felt their philosophy and our philosophy would be a fit.”

So, Los Lobos sings about “The Neighborhood,” and Cabrillo builds it.

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“Stop singin’, Edith, the neighbors will think I’m killin’ ya.”

--Archie Bunker

Slayer is a death rock band that sounds like a car wreck in a machine shop with vocals by the Predator. They get no airplay, yet they have sold a zillion records and have a lot of fans. They do songs such as “Angel of Death,” “Raining Blood” and “Hell Awaits,” all guaranteed to convince your parents that you are in need of professional help.

Slayer recently sold out the Ventura Theatre, but here’s the important part. Christina Applegate was backstage, dressed appropriately. Maybe Slayer isn’t so bad after all. Or maybe Al Bundy was right when he said: “Do you know why Kelly has a head? To keep the rain from falling in her neck.”

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“Gong!”

--J. Arthur Rank & Chuck Barris

It happened to the local band J. D.’s Last Ride at the recent Stray Cats show. The locals opened the show and were wailing away with their high-powered rockabilly when a candidate for Mr. Congeniality came out on the stage and began yelling at the band until the curtain slowly closed, thus gonging what had been an engaging performance.

As it turned out, the intruder was the manager of the next band, Mystery Train. J. D.’s Last Ride’s crime: seven minutes too long on stage. Now diddly darn--rock ‘n’ roll’s always on time, right? You can set your watch by the rock biz because concerts never start late or run into overtime, right? Did you know that Greenwich Mean Time is calibrated by frequent calls to Axl Rose? Yeah, right.

Anyway, the only mystery was how Mystery Train got on the bill in the first place and why the locals let them live to complete their set. Mystery Train dispersed the dancers quicker than a waitress using Mace perfume.

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“Where the hell’s my money?”

--Mojo Nixon

Within the last several months, several bands claim they have had trouble getting paid after playing at the Brewhouse in Santa Barbara. The latest play-but-no-pay band were those raucous and funny folkies, Los Guys.

According to guitarist Harold Lee, the band was supposed to earn 100 bucks for opening for Merl Saunders recently. They say they got nothing, not even free beer.

According to owner Raymond Cano, “Well, they wanted to open for the Merl Saunders Band, but the Jerry Garcia Band was playing in Ventura that same night, and that kept the crowd down. I told them, ‘If I can do really well, you’ll get paid for it.’ They had an audience of about 15 people.”

When told that Los Guys didn’t want to do the Brewhouse anymore, Cano noted, “They’re not that big of a draw, anyway. It’s no big loss. We like bands that draw between 200 and 600 people. We had over 500 when Spencer played over Fiesta.”

Everyone wants bands that draw between 200 and 600 people. And there’s only a few of them: Lion I’s, Raging Arb & the Redheads, Spencer The Gardener, Tao Jonz, Common Sense, Crucial DBC, and sometimes not even they are a lock to pay the club’s rent.

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“How can I miss you when you won’t go away?”

--Tom Ball & Kenny Sultan

Charlie’s, the place to see local bands in Ventura, was supposed to go the way of the dodo by Labor Day weekend, but it lives on. Raging Arb & the Redheads are set to play the last day, whenever that is. The Pier Fish House is supposed to close soon, as part of the city of Ventura’s repair and redevelopment of the pier, so they can, ultimately, make us pay even more to go to our own beach. The fish place is supposed to replace the rock ‘n’ roll place.

“Just because the Pier Fish House is closing in early September, doesn’t mean we are,” said Charlie’s manager Chris Jelly. “We’ll be open at least through September, maybe longer.”

Also, the no-dancing rule is still in effect. The No Dancing Police made their last appearance on Aug. 26 during a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy gig.

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“C’mon people, now, smile on your brother . . . “

--Jesse Colin Young

On Aug. 29, six local hard-edged rock bands put on a benefit at the Ventura Theatre for the Christopher House, which treats AIDS victims. It was a hit--lotsa long hair, leather and loud music, not to mention the Miller Girls.