Passers, Separated at Birth?

T his is no time to be listless . . .

Name That Quarterback:

1. He plays for an NFL team named after a big city, although his team plays its home games in another county, in the suburbs.

2. He has passed for more than 3,000 yards four times in his professional career.

3. His two best seasons came back-to-back, when he led his team to records of 11-5 and 10-6 and back-to-back second-place finishes.

4. Those two seasons now seem a long, long time ago.

5. His team has not had a winning season since the late 1980s.

6. He threw for only 10 touchdowns in 1991.

7. He was described in one preseason football magazine as “a mechanical quarterback. If he has sufficient time, he can pick a defense apart. But NFL quarterbacks don’t play in a controlled environment. They have to handle pressure, pick up secondary receivers and throw accurately on the move. (This quarterback) isn’t up to it.”

8. A young, intriguing prospect with a lively arm, recently drafted from a Midwestern college, waits in the wings.

9. His team will take a losing record into this Sunday’s game at Anaheim Stadium.

10. His name is not Jim Everett.

He is not a clone.

His friends, and the New York Jets, call him Ken O’Brien.

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And Now, Five Major Differences Between Ken O’Brien and Jim Everett:

1. O’Brien replaced Pat Ryan, who replaced Richard Todd, who replaced Joe Namath.

2. Everett replaced Dieter Brock, who replaced Jeff Kemp, who replaced Vince Ferragamo, who replaced Pat Haden, who replaced Joe Namath.

3. O’Brien had seven fewer interceptions in 1990 and nine fewer in 1991.

4. O’Brien went to the playoffs in 1991.

5. O’Brien lost his job in 1992, and got it back only after Browning Nagle got hurt.

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Top Seven Football Teams in Southern California:

1. San Diego State (1-0-1). Should be 2-0, should have beaten USC, but Marshall Faulk doesn’t do field goals.

2. USC (1-0-1). Enjoy undefeated status while it lasts. Next game is Oct. 3. At Washington.

3. UCLA (2-0). UCLA 37, Cal State Fullerton 14 looked OK until Georgia 56, Cal State Fullerton 0.

4. Rams (1-2). And the line on the Jets’ game is even. Imagine--this team could be .500 going into October.

5. Raiders (0-3). Is Vince Evans next?

6. Chargers (0-3). Marion Butts, Rod Bernstine, Ronnie Harmon, Anthony Miller--and no offense. John Friesz must be worth the money.

7. Cal State Fullerton (1-2). And Sacramento State comes to town Saturday. Imagine--this team could be .500 going into October.

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Planned Uniform Changes for the Angels in 1993:

1. Old style “CA” to replace Big A and halo on front of cap.

2. Old style “A-N-G-E-L-S” to appear across chest, reminiscent of club’s first uniform.

3. “B-R-O-O-K-S,” “G-A-E-T-T-I” and “S-T-E-V-E-N-S” to be deleted from backs of jerseys.

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Where Wayne Gretzky’s Back Injury Hurts The Most:

1. Bruce McNall’s stomach.

2. Barry Melrose’s temples.

3. The Kings’ season-ticket campaign.

4. The 1992-93 Smythe Division standings.

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Revised Cal State Fullerton Travel Itinerary For The Rest of the 1992 Football Season, In Response to Bulldogs 56, Titans 0:

1. To San Jose State, Oct. 10.

2. To Southwestern Louisiana, Oct. 17.

3. To Pacific, Nov. 7.

4. To New Mexico State, Nov. 14.

5. To Nevada Las Vegas, Nov. 28.

6. To Division I-AA, 1993.

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Not To Fan The Flames of Any Impending Quarterback Controversy Or Anything, But:

1. Jay Schroeder went 21-13 in his last 34 starts before being benched. Over the same span, Everett went 9-25.

2. Schroeder passed for 36 touchdowns and 28 interceptions in those 34 starts. Over the same span, Everett passed for 35 touchdowns and 41 interceptions.

3. Schroeder’s current quarterback efficiency rating is 71.2. Everett’s is 47.9.

4. Everett managed a 3-13 record with the Rams last season, including 2-6 at Anaheim Stadium. T.J. Rubley managed a 10-2 record with the Tulsa Golden Hurricane last season, including 1-0 at Anaheim Stadium.