‘Enabling Romance’ Seeks to Lower Sexual Barriers Facing the Disabled

For Erica Levy Klein and Ken Kroll, the new Americans with Disabilities Act doesn’t go far enough.

They’re trying to knock down more private barriers facing the 36 million physically disabled Americans with their book “Enabling Romance,” a sort of “Joy of Sex” for the disabled.

“I think if there’s one major stereotype that people have about people with disabilities, it’s that they can’t have sex at all and they aren’t interested in sex and they don’t need sex,” said Levy Klein.

Levy Klein, 35, said she saw the need for such a book after she began dating Kroll, a paraplegic, who is now her husband. In bookstores, she found poignant accounts of how people learned to live with their disabilities or overcame stereotypes, but none sufficed as a “how-to” manual for sex.

“The reason is it’s still a taboo subject,” Levy Klein said. “It’s still something people are uncomfortable about in a primal kind of way.”

The book relies on first-person accounts from people with various physical disabilities, including spinal cord injuries, polio, multiple sclerosis, blindness and deafness.

Using Easter Seal Society lists, the couple mailed out questionnaires. Respondents were more willing to share their experiences than the authors had imagined, they said.

“They were brutally honest about what was going on with them and sharing stuff that even makes me kind of gulp,” Levy Klein said.

One of the contributors is Jay--only first names are used--who had both legs amputated above the knee at age 44, and now lives with a paraplegic. He and his partner don’t use any special techniques or devices.

He said most people put too much emphasis on copulation at the expense of touching, fondling, kissing and hugging. He said he has found “true intimacy.”

Another is Corey, a woman born without a right leg.

“I don’t have any difficulty at all enjoying sexual activities, except that certain positions are difficult with only one leg, especially if I have to be on top,” she said. “About the biggest sex problem I have is figuring out where to put the darned prosthesis.”

Kroll, 48, was diagnosed with dystonia, a neuromuscular disorder, when he was 12. He uses a wheelchair and his speech is labored. He and Levy Klein met five years ago after she placed a personal ad in a newspaper.

When they first started doing research for the book, they found mainly training material written for doctors.

“There was nothing pertaining to experiences of specific people,” Kroll said.

“Enabling Romance,” published in March by Harmony Books, also offers lists of dating and pen pal groups, support groups and catalogs.

Dr. Stanley Ducharme, director of the Sexuality and Disability Center at Boston University Medical Center, gives “Enabling Romance” high marks for its attention to a sensitive subject.

“I think it addresses issues that don’t normally get talked about,” he said. “It’s an empowering book whose basic purpose is to let people know that sexually satisfying relations are possible.”