MUSIC / MARY’S DANISH : Pushing the Pastries : The band that isn’t true to either name will play Tuesday at Isla Vista’s Anaconda Theater.

There’s no one named Mary. Nobody’s Danish, either, and they aren’t very sweet. It’s Mary’s Danish, a hard-edgeA. band fronted by a couple of smart girls heading for a smart venue--the Anaconda Theater. That’s the place right next to UCSB and all those students who love that so-called “alternative rock,” which is basically the cool stuff mainstream radio is too dumb to play.

Mary’s Danish, a band with 5 1/2 years experience, got its big break in 1989, when KROQ picked up on their single “Don’t Crash the Car Tonight.” That tune quickly spawned an album, “There Goes the Wondertruck,” on small, independent Chameleon Records. The newly released “American Standard” on Morgan Creek Records (perhaps named for the funniest movie of all time, “The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek”?) is the band’s third album. For years, it seems, the band has had to deal with the “Next Big Thing” label much like the Blasters, X and Los Lobos before them.

“I don’t know about that--it makes me uncomfortable,” Gretchen Seager said in a recent phone interview. “I don’t like to think about that stuff. I don’t like to categorize things. I’m too close to it. I don’t describe our music.”

Someone has to: Remember Exene Cervenka, the shrill-voiced singer from those raucous rockers, X? Imagine Exene in stereo, and you’re getting close to what Mary’s Danish sounds like. Seager and Julie Ritter trade vocals, share vocals, and generally have the power of an air-raid siren that would shatter grandma’s china in a heartbeat. But that’s exactly the attraction of the group, or the detraction, depending upon how you hear it. Throw in some thrashy garage rock to back the two lead singers, and that’s Mary’s Danish.

Seager and Ritter formed the band while students at UCLA, but they met at Cal Berkeley where they were both French literature majors, a field offering about as much hope for a career as Rich Person on the Beach in a world filled with convenience store clerks with social sciences degrees.

“Yeah, my parents were wondering the same thing,” said Seager.

Not into the “scooby-doo-the-sky-is-blue-I-love-you” kind of rock, the band is not afraid to take a stand and offer an opinion. In fact, they’re pushier than a busload of New Yorkers late for a hockey game. They took on the lead singer of Guns N’ Roses with a cynical song off their last album, “Axl Rose Is Love.” On the new one, they take on TV evangelists, gun nuts and all sorts of lousy relationships to the point of making J. Geils’ “Love Stinks” almost seem like a Doris Day song. There’s 20 “don’ts” and seven “can’ts” on “Leave It Alone.” And the musicianship has never been better.

“I think we’ve grown as a band,” said Seager. “I think every artist hopes to become more sophisticated. I think we’re just a better band even though none of our records have done well enough to keep us on the road for any length of time. We just want to make good music that’s saying something important, but sometimes it’s tough to handle the business affairs.”

Of course, it’s no fun if you can’t complain, but Mary’s Danish have never been afraid to put their time where their mouth is. Three years ago, their first single was a natural for RADD--Recording Artists against Drunk Driving; lately, the band’s been on the road to support Rock the Vote.

“We’re not as involved in RADD as much as we were, because certain other things have moved to the forefront, like Rock The Vote,” said Seager. “We just finished a two-week tour for Rock The Vote, and it went really well. People came in droves to register, and they seemed very enthusiastic. Although Tipper Gore probably wouldn’t wear a Mary’s Danish T-shirt, do you not vote for Clinton because of his running mate’s wife? We need a new person to lead the country, and we need to win the big battle first and worry about the little battles later.”

There’s a lot more to the rock star scene, however, than working an hour a night twice a week, driving around the country and picking up those big checks in the mail. Remember, “fan” is short for “fanatic.”

“Yeah, we have groupies, but not in a mean way,” said Seager. “They give us flowers or jump on stage and give us a kiss on the cheek. But sometimes, it’s very frightening to be a small girl and have some big guy charging you. I’ve had many a tooth chipped by a stage diver who hit me in the face and knocked the microphone into my mouth. We do have a dental plan at Morgan Creek, however.”

Could this be the career for you? Flowers? Kisses? A bop in the chops? Here’s what Seager’s experience says:

“Just stay true to what you do, and don’t compromise just to get signed. Don’t try to be the Flavor of the Month. Right now every band wants to be like the Red Hot Chili Peppers or Nirvana.”

And as a former student of both Cal and UCLA, well, so much for sports, and they both are bears.

“I don’t root for either. I don’t go to football games and I just don’t really care.”

* WHERE AND WHEN

Mary’s Danish, Failure, Tuesday at the Anaconda Theater, 935 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista, 8 p.m., $10. To find out more, call 685-3112.