Something Definitely Amiss

“Hello, Police Department? Get me Missing Persons, please.

“Missing Persons? I’d like to report a missing person. What? Oh, his name is Marcus A. Allen. He’s about 6 feet 2, 210 pounds, has this nice smile, green-brown eyes, clean-shaven, very neat, dresses conservatively, looks like a Republican, if you know what I mean.

“Well, yes, he hasn’t been seen at his usual haunts, and a lot of us are worried he may be locked in a room someplace or lying under a bridge. What? Oh, he’s met with foul play, all right! And how!

“His usual haunts? Well, he could usually be found in the L.A. Raiders’ backfield. And, usually, he had a ball in his hands. That’s the problem. If he were hale and healthy, that’s where he’d be. I mean, Marcus Allen without the football is like Magic Johnson without the basketball, Bob Dylan without a guitar--an offense against nature.

“What? Oh, he was last seen sitting on the bench in the L.A. Coliseum. At least, we think it was he. Actually, the fact that he was sitting on the bench argues that it might not have been Marcus Allen but an impostor wearing No. 32. You see, if you’ve got the real Marcus Allen, the last place you want him is sitting on the bench.

“There’s a very good chance this was a hoax calculated to scare the opposition. Except, they would wise up by the third quarter. They know nobody in his right mind would keep Marcus Allen on a bench in a league game. It might even have been a wax dummy.

“Look, if you find him, ship him to Art Shell, the coach of the Raiders. Boy, will he be glad to find him! Boy, could the Raiders use him! They must be frantic. They must have private eyes all over the country scouring for him.

“Check all the morgues and hospitals. I’m sure the Raiders will post a big reward. I mean, they’re paying him a lot of money to play football. So, they’d sure like to have him back doing it. Wouldn’t they?”

It’s not precisely “The Mystery of Edwin Drood,” but the disappearing act of Marcus Allen the football player has to rank with Jimmy Hoffa’s or Judge Crater’s or Amelia Earhart’s as a major bafflement of our times.

Marcus has vanished just as the Raiders open their playoff drive.

He must be gone. It defies logic that he wouldn’t be in the backfield if he were still with us.

Why wouldn’t he be? Marcus Allen has, for 10 years, been the most dependable, consistent, durable running back the Raiders have had.

He has always had a credibility problem. At USC, where he only became a Heisman Trophy winner, set an all-time single-season rushing record for college football, set the college record for most 200-yard games rushing--11--in the history of the sport and led his team to four bowls, including two Rose, they started him out as a blocking back. They recruited him as a defensive back.

Trouble is, Marcus Allen doesn’t have that incandescent speed. Nobody calls him “the Rocket” or “the Blur.” He has more agility speed than straight-ahead.

But it is effective. Marcus wasn’t drafted till 10th in the ’82 pro draft. But with the Raiders, he has carried the ball 2,072 times for 8,429 yards. He has caught the ball 402 times for 3,802 yards.

In Super Bowl XVIII, in 1984, the Raiders, largely on a blocked punt recovered in the end zone and an interception returned for a touchdown, burst to a 21-3 halftime lead. But the Redskins showed no signs of biting the dust--until Marcus Allen took charge. The Redskins drove to a touchdown to make it 21-9 early in the second half.

Then, Marcus Allen tied them to a stake. First, he ran five yards for a touchdown, described in the papers the next day as a “dancing, whirling, escape job.” Then the Raiders stopped the Redskins on their 26. On the next play, they gave Marcus the ball and he ad-libbed his way to what was then the longest scoring run in Super Bowl history. The game was over.

You’d think he’d be a statue in the park. But, the Raiders kept giving him votes of no-confidence. First, they brought in Bo Jackson, everybody’s all-everything, and Marcus was blocking again.

He didn’t complain. Marcus did a little bit of everything. He has thrown 22 passes. One of them was intercepted but five of them went for touchdowns.

So, why would the Raiders shrug when a talent like this, a figure who has done so much for the franchise, a gifted man, a consummate overachiever disappears in the night?

You’re going to have to tell me. But the facts are simple and clear. Marcus Allen carried the ball 380 times in 1985. He got the ball 25-30 times a game.

Know how many times Marcus Allen got the ball last week? Once. Uno. The quarterback rushed it three times.

It isn’t as if he’s old. Allen is 32.

The Raiders, of course, have brought in Eric Dickerson. He has carried the ball 114 times this year. Allen has carried it 49.

If that’s not a disappearance, it’s the next-best thing. It’s a phase-out. The ownership is trying to turn him into a ghost. Marcus has felt underappreciated and taken for granted for years. He’s tired of outlasting the phenoms brought in to take over his spot in the backfield. So, he has taken out his frustrations at the bargaining table. His image has gone from marvelous to malcontent. His punishment? Don’t give him the ball. Ignore him. Make believe he’s not there and pretty soon he’ll go away.

He probably will. He’s veering toward free agency, given the proper court ruling.

“How many times did I carry the ball?” he asked last week, as he stood in a locker room, toweling himself off, pulling a shirt over his head. “Once. And it was when we had our backs to the goal line. Third and very long yardage.

“It’s a joke. What they’re doing to me is a joke. I’m on this team but I’m not on it. What’s important to me is my teammates. They know what’s happening.

“I think I’ve been wronged. No, I know I’ve been wronged. I truly believe justice will prevail but, no, it’s nothing we can talk out. I resign myself to just sitting there but, no, they won’t let me know why. They’re too smart for that. They send other people.

“But I’ve sat out these things before. I can do it again.”

“Hello, Missing Persons? OK, call off that search for the missing Marcus Allen. We found him. What? Oh, he was in the doghouse.”