Smith’s Next Goal: Self-Preservation?

Read it and weep. It’s right there on page 14 of the USC football yearbook, the same one published before each season of play, when a Trojan true believer’s hopes are as high as Traveler the horse’s eye. A black box is even outlined around it, for anyone who might otherwise miss it.

Larry Smith’s Goals for USC Football Players

1. Be a class team with unity.

2. Earn a USC degree.

3. Beat UCLA and Notre Dame.

4. Win the Pac-10 championship and the Rose Bowl.

5. National champions.

Goal-lovers, I don’t know if these same five will be listed in next season’s book, but here is a suggested new one for Larry Smith:

1. Keep job.

The way things are going, the USC coach is having a hell of a time getting past Goal 2. Next question before the house is not whether Smith’s Trojans can defeat UCLA or Notre Dame, but whether they can defeat the Fresno State Fighting Raisins, or whatever it is they call themselves, in college football’s time-honored, thrill-a-minute, grandchild-of-them-all Freedom Bowl--which, in a possible oversight, does not appear anywhere on USC’s list of Goals 1 through 5.

As goals go, these five certainly are darned fine ones. Have unity? The Trojans seem to. At least they don’t call secret meetings behind the coach’s back, the way so many college teams do these days. Get a degree? Yes, many Trojans seem to, although you do still get the occasional nude-surfing quarterback who drops out two years too soon.

Beat UCLA? Beat Notre Dame? Well . . . uh . . . at least they don’t call secret meetings behind the coach’s back, the way so many college teams do these days. Get a degree? Yes, many Trojans seem to, although you do still get the occasional nude-surfing quarterback who drops out two years too soon.

Goal 4? Goal 5? No use going on to those, or to dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe. Hey, we’ve got enough trouble on our hands getting by that crazy Goal 3, don’t we? At least Coach Smith’s specially designed big-game defense did limit UCLA and Notre Dame to 69 points this season, if that’s any consolation. (And if it is, you sure are easily consoled.)

He didn’t exactly coach the game of his life in Saturday’s habitual loss to Notre Dame, did he? The clock management alone, near the end of the game, was enough to make those Trojan true believers wander out to the parking lot, muttering to themselves.

And say, anybody remember the University of Southern California, alias Tailback U.? Against Notre Dame, 20 of USC’s final 22 plays were pass plays. Even from the Irish five, with a timeout left, the Trojans passed. (And got sacked.)

Oh, well. USC’s offense is always going to be under pressure when a defense gives up points the way this defense gives up points. In two seasons now, USC has held one opponent under 10 points. In the biggest games of this season, the defense made UCLA’s John Barnes look like John Elway and made Notre Dame’s Reggie Brooks look like Thurman Thomas. Who knows how many points those mean Fresno monsters will rack up?

And guess what? For USC’s next home game, Sept. 4, 1993--be sure to circle this one on your calendar, fans--the opposition will be represented by University of Houston quarterback Jimmy Klingler, who threw 71 passes Saturday for 613 yards and six touchdowns. Of course, “Beat Houston” ranks as something like Goal 497 on USC’s Top 500 Goals list.

Larry Smith’s postgame comments Saturday included the always encouraging:

“We can play with anyone. Now it’s a matter of taking that next step and beating anyone.”

Ow. Is this what playing football for USC has come to? Being able to play with everyone so that maybe someday you can beat anyone? Like who--Memphis State? San Diego State? USC could always beat anyone. Always. But maybe this is the mind-set that seeps in when a coach’s record over the last three seasons is 17-16-2, which Smith’s is. Losing Todd Marinovich shouldn’t hurt a program that much.

Smith’s first three Troy teams did go to the Rose Bowl. Those teams also came stocked with Coach Ted Tollner’s recruits. Say what you will about: “What have you done for me lately?” All I know is, three seasons is a pretty long lately. As for 10 consecutive defeats to Notre Dame, uh, no comment.

One of USC’s defensive tackles, David Webb, the one who circles his eyes with lampblack until he looks like a cross between Batman and Nuclear Holocaust Man, summed up the end of another long day at the gridiron by saying: “We proved we can play with anybody. There’s a lot more unity on this team. I don’t think it’s going to be tough for us to get up for a bowl game. I think guys are going to be even more angry.”

Good.

There’s a lot to be angry about.