SEQUEL / JOSE AND ROSIE GARCIA : Alone Among Friends : Rosie: ‘I don’t feel like a survivor.’

The first year without my mom and brothers was real scary. I always used to have terrible dreams about them and the explosion. It’s gotten a little--just a little--easier now. It seems that I’m not as scared as I was, especially about being in our house in Valinda.

After I got out of the hospital, all I wanted to do was go home. But once I was there, I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to go inside the house.

I would have lots of dreams that would scare me. Being (in the house) scared me. I guess it was because I was always thinking, thinking, thinking of my family. I was thinking if I was going to hear them or see them.

Now, at night, sometimes I’m still scared.

Now it feels like it’s just a house, not a home.

Building a New Life

‘I have bad days when I don’t feel like doing anything.’

Being away in Texas--and time--has helped.

I’m studying more than I was last year. Sometimes I don’t feel like studying but when I do I get all my work done. I have bad days when I don’t feel like doing anything.

I like my tutor. She gives me a lot of homework and that’s how I spend my day. And I watch a few hours of television. My dad has cut back a lot on the TV, which I don’t like because with the TV on, I don’t think about my mom and brothers as much.

Learning to Cope

‘Sometimes I feel like I’m on exhibit.’

Everywhere I go everyone seems to recognize me. I know people say, “There’s that girl who got burned in the explosion.” That’s why when we go to the store we try to go when no one is there. I know I’m going to see one of (my friends) and they’re going to say, “Is that how she looks now?”

Maybe they won’t ask or maybe they won’t recognize me. But maybe they will. That’s scary too, because sometimes I feel like I’m on exhibit.

They want to know if the scars are going to come off, like if I’m going to be the same as I was before the explosion. Then they tell me, “I think you are.”

And they always ask me when am I going to come back to school. I do want to go back, but not right now. My hair isn’t long enough yet and my hands, well, they’re not ready yet. My skin isn’t all ready yet.

Look at my hands. Kind of ugly, right? I’m supposed to wear the garment gloves, but I forget to do that. My dad gets angry with me because I don’t wear them.

See here between my fingers? In the fire, my skin kind of melted and made webs between my fingers and that’s why they look like this.

I am glad that my hands are healing. A year ago they looked really different. I didn’t even have nails. My hands were big globs of blisters. You could see all the little veins. It was really disgusting. You can imagine what the rest of my body was like.

But now, the skin is smoothing out, it’s not as bumpy as it was.

Scary Nights

‘Now I dream about tornadoes and earthquakes.’

I still get my dreams, but they aren’t as bad as they used to be. They’re different. I used to dream a lot about my brothers and my mother, but lately they’re not in my dreams. Now I dream about tornadoes and earthquakes.

Only once, recently, my mother was in a dream. We were in the desert and this tornado was coming after us. My mom and I were running from it. And then I woke up.

And in another dream, I was grabbing onto a fence during an earthquake. There was this whole mess of people holding onto the fence. I kept holding on. I shouted to them to “hold on tight,” but I guess they were too weak. They were getting swallowed by the earth.

In all my dreams I survive. But I don’t feel like a survivor. I feel scared. At night--when the walls creak--I get scared. I get scared of the dark sometimes, because it makes me feel lonely. Sometimes I can’t wait until the sun comes up the next day because I know I won’t be scared anymore.

I used to like the rain and cloudy days. But when it’s cloudy I get this scary feeling over me. I know I won’t always feel this way, but I’m telling you the truth of how I feel now.

Her Future

‘A ranger or a veterinarian.’

I want to go back to school. And I think about going to college also. They tell me that I should do something with numbers because I’m good at algebra.

My father wants me to go back to Workman (High in the City of Industry), but I’ve been thinking that I want to go to La Puente High. My brother Tony had friends everywhere at Workman, and they’ll remind me of him.

I want to be a forest ranger or a veterinarian. My mom used to let me bring all the sick dogs and cats home. At first, before the explosion, my dad wanted me to be a doctor. But after my mom and brothers died, I didn’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to see dead bodies.

Her Dad’s Progress

‘He likes to be in silence.’

I still see my dad the same way since the accident. His emotions haven’t changed that much. He’s real sad sometimes, and he’s not sad sometimes. When he’s sad, I try to make him feel better by talking to him or just sitting with him.

He has reached out more since last summer. He’s made new friends with the older people. And me and my dad--we’re always together. Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we are both very quiet. Sometimes, I think he likes to be in silence.

Most Important Things in Life

‘(I have) my dad and my dog, Pongo.’

The most important things in my life (are) my dad and my dog, Pongo. That’s it. My dad is important to me because he is the only one I’ve got left, and my dog because he’s my dog, my buddy.

My dad tries to make me as happy as he can. I know that he gets depressed, but lately he has been much better. He has made new friends in Texas and he visits them. I’ve made a few friends also, but I still like to be pretty much alone or just with a couple of friends. I don’t like to get too attached to people.

I’m kind of scared they’re going to go away.