Who’s Old Enough to Stay Home All Alone? : Families: Maturity, not age, is the key in deciding whether children should solo, experts say. But leaving really young kids is asking for trouble.

It’s a question faced by every parent: How old is old enough to leave your child home alone--and have the child and the home remain relatively intact?

Eight? Twelve? Twenty-four?

The answer--culled from psychologists, law enforcement officials, child protection advocates and parents--seemingly complicates as much as it clarifies: Discover your child’s abilities and limitations, they say, and figure it out for yourself.

“It depends on the maturity of the kid,” says Detective Robert Smith, who works in the Juvenile Division of the Los Angeles Police Department. “I went on vacation recently and left two kids behind--a 19-year-old and a 21-year-old--and I felt apprehensive.”

“It’s a judgment call,” says Schuyler Sprowles of the county Department of Children’s Services. “There are teen-agers who can’t be left alone, and some 8-year-olds who are capable (of being left for short periods). There is no age when kids are ‘old enough.’ ”

“Each situation is different,” says Peter Banks, who heads the training program at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in Arlington, Va. “You have to take into consideration how long you’ll be gone, what time of day it is, the proximity of neighbors and the child’s level of development.”

In general, though, Banks says many children shouldn’t be left by themselves. “The more you leave them alone,” he warns, “the more you’re asking for trouble.”

Banks, who saw a heart-crushing abundance of trouble during five years as supervisor of a child-abuse unit in the Washington, D.C., police department, says children are left alone--inappropriately--by parents every day.

“In some cases, they are left alone for a period of time because parents have to work, but there are others where parents are uninformed, neglectful or, sometimes, they just don’t care,” he says.

Referring to the recent Chicago area case in which two sisters, 9 and 4, were left at home while their parents vacationed in Mexico, Banks says, “I can’t think of any circumstances where it would be appropriate to leave a 9-year-old caring for a younger sibling overnight. There’s no excuse for parents leaving kids behind like that for a vacation. Too many things can happen that they may not know how to deal with.”

That drastic scenario, however, begets questions about situations seemingly more benign but increasingly common: rising child care costs, single parenthood, two working parents. What about a 9-year-old watching a 4-year-old while their mother fetches medicine from a local pharmacy? Can an 8-year-old handle being home alone for an hour or two after school until his mother returns from work? Is it advisable to leave a 10-year-old unattended while a father goes bowling?

“We tell parents, ‘If your child is 8 or 9, and you’ll be leaving them alone for an hour--latchkey kids or whatever--make sure they have some capabilities of using the phone, that they can call 911 or a neighbor,’ ” says Smith. “Make sure they’re not the type to set fires or let strangers in.

“Generally, we say, if a kid is in first or second grade, don’t leave him for more than two hours. If a child isn’t capable of using a phone, he shouldn’t be left alone for any amount of time.

“Again, it comes down to a child’s maturity level.”

Pam Thomas of Pasadena, mother of five, says she gauges each child’s abilities and gives freedom and responsibility accordingly.

“I left Janna, who is now 19, home alone with the younger kids when she was 9 or 10,” she says. “I’d have her watch the other kids while I went grocery shopping or when we went out.

“Once, I left on a trip for five days and, during the day hours, while my husband was at work, Janna handled everything at home. When I got home, she had the house clean and a birthday cake made for me because it was my birthday.

“She never showed any fear and was very level-headed. Some of the other kids were much different. I never would have left them alone at that age.”

Lisa Anderson, a Los Angeles area homemaker and businesswoman with four children ages 2 to 10, recently began leaving them home alone for short periods--typically while she runs errands.

“I try not to make it a practice, but if I’m running off to the bank or market, occasionally, I’ll leave Haley (age 10) in charge,” she says.

“It has to be under controlled circumstances, when Clarke, who’s almost 3, is asleep. I’ve talked to her about not answering the door, and she knows how to call my husband at work and the neighbors. I was really nervous the first time I did it, but she’s proven to be very responsible.”

Haley says it’s no sweat being home alone with her younger siblings. “I like it; it makes me feel important, like I’m grown up,” she says. “I can handle it--for short amounts of time, anyway. If I had to stay alone overnight, now that would be scary.”

Indeed, in the mind of a child--even a teen-ager--there’s a huge difference between being left behind for an hour and being left overnight. Even children well-versed in dealing with stress may be frightened by that prospect, says Barbara Cadow, a Westwood psychologist.

“Most kids don’t like being alone until they are adults,” she says. “They act so tough, like it’s cool, but they’re really scared to death. For some, just the wind blowing can mean a sleepless night. Fifteen-, 16-year-olds tell me how much they need their parents. They may not act like it, but they want them there. Some kids can even become hysterical.”

What about the ironclad image of the “Home Alone” movies’ Macaulay Culkin taking on the bad guys and taking the Plaza Hotel and all of Manhattan by the hand without parents?

“Yeah, right,” says Cadow, adding that a kid looking forward to being alone in the city is as much of a cartoonish exaggeration as actor Joe Pesci dousing his flaming head in a toilet filled with kerosene and walking away barely singed.

“It’s always best, in my opinion, to have someone with kids,” she says.

That may be the popular opinion, but many states--including California--have no statutes requiring children to reach a specific age before they can be left alone. Such a law would be impractical, experts say.

In California, if harm came to a child left alone, the parent could face charges of endangerment or, if the child were killed, manslaughter, Smith says. “Each case is looked at individually,” he adds. “If a mother is out at a disco at 3 a.m., and her little one is hurt in a fire, she could have a problem. Her children could be placed in protective custody and the case could go before the dependency court and criminal court.”

Says Banks: “Parents need to remember that children are really frail. They need to remember they are just kids.”