CAROLYN CONNOR : Detouring Our Kids From Juvenile Hall

Carolyn Connor, 44, began her career with the Los Angeles County Probation Department in 1974, initially assigned to juvenile hall. She became a probation officer a year later and is currently a supervising deputy probation officer. Connor has touched the lives of thousands of youngsters. She was interviewed by Cathy Franklin.

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It takes something extra to really try to reach a child. If you’re a teacher, you must reach out. If you’re a clerk in a store, you can still reach out. But nobody wants to take the time to share any of their time with young people.

Most people in the social services feel they are able to help youngsters because they come directly in contact with them, but everybody must begin if there is going to be any change.

The gang kids say that gangs will be here forever. I hope that’s not true, but as long as society is like it is, economics are what they are and the family unit remains destroyed, there’s going to be a need for substitute families.

In every walk of life there are people who don’t get involved. They are there to only do a job. Advanced degrees don’t mean that you’re going to be effective.

I have seen teachers who are well-credentialed, but they don’t know how to talk with young people. And these young students are very sensitive and intuitive. If they sense that you don’t care; if they sense that you think of them as someone not worthy of your time, if you have low expectations of them working to their level, they will not produce.

I have been in situations where teachers have told me that children are going to fail and I have questioned how they could be so certain that the child is going to fail with 15 weeks left of a semester, so then they had to rethink that.

Are you familiar with rap music? The words go so fast, I can’t even hear them but I have seen children as young as 5 go through the long songs and they can remember them verbatim. There’s nothing wrong with their brains.

Partly it’s the school system, partly the family, it’s a little bit of all the so-called social institutions that have failed these young people.

The parents don’t take the time with children that perhaps they should take. They leave it up to the schools. The schools expect the homes to help. The parents expect that they send their child to school, the job is done. And it’s not. I’ve known youngsters to drop out of school because they don’t have the right clothes to wear. Low self-esteem kicks in. There are some kind of silent messages that are given to these youngsters that makes them feel like, “I don’t belong here,” that makes them feel like, “I cannot succeed.”

If a child is not provided basic necessities and, in some instances, some of his/her wants, and has not been taught meaningful ways to obtain them, the child may begin to steal at an early age. When children see their peers with objects that they don’t have, those without the proper morals will think of obtaining things by any means necessary.

Television and the other media stress the importance of having certain material objects.

One youngster, one of my favorites, said that one Christmas somebody came in his house and stole all the Christmas toys. He had no more feelings of respect for other people’s property after that. But I’m happy to say that the system worked for him, to the point that he says now he can separate things like that from his life. I’m optimistic about that. A lot of people really worked with him and believed in him.

It’s hard for me to describe racism.

A lot of times it’s overt but more often it’s covert. There are many messages that are conveyed to our youngsters, that tell them, “You’re nothing. You’re dumb. You’re not going to ever be anything.”

How do you combat that?

You tell them that they’re somebody, you tell them that they’re loved, you cite examples, like I tell my youngsters all the time, “You are smart.”

You know, you have to take time with those youngsters.

You’ve got to instill in them: “No matter who says this, or who tries to belittle you, there are these things that I see in you that are good. I expect you to do something.” I tell a couple of my youngsters that I expect to see their names in the press with something real positive in the future. I say: “There is genius in you.”

There are youngsters who grew up and they never had anybody say a kind word to them. There are youngsters who would lean over for me to pinch their cheeks, who just wanted a hug. I have youngsters who cried on my shoulder.

I had one youngster who was living on probation and I knew from the car he was driving and the manner in which he was dressed that he probably was dealing drugs by that time. He beeped the horn and I acknowledged him and he said, “You know, I want to thank you. Even though I didn’t do what you suggested to make my life better, you always tried to encourage me and wanted to see me do well and wanted me to play basketball.”

You can really make a difference, but it’s not easy because there’s so many, so many things that you have to overcome. A lot of times things that happen in a youngster’s early life are never overcome.

The compensating factor for me is that I like kids.

Being a minority, I have been mistreated in my life. Maybe that has made me a champion for the underdog. I see how these youngsters are coming up and that makes me want them to win against all odds.

The need is there, they tear energy from you. You just have to give it. Maybe I can see beyond the bold exterior, see the little child that’s crying out.