Forget the Candy and Flowers: Get a Grip on Your Valentine

The International Federation of Arm Wrestling is offering sweethearts a chance to get the upper hand in their relationships on Valentine’s Day at Universal Studios, challenging them to settle their differences face to face during the federation’s North American championships.

“For centuries, arm wrestling has been enjoyed by people of both sexes . . . friends and enemies alike,” IFAW President Marvin Cohen said. “So why shouldn’t husbands, wives and lovers use the sport as a means for settling their marital and domestic quarrels? The decision comes quickly, and the outcome is final!”

And, besides, nothing says loving like grabbing hold of your baby’s hand, squeezing it tight and slamming it onto a table top.

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Trivia time: When the Dodgers traded Davey Lopes to the Oakland Athletics in 1982, breaking up the long-standing infield of first baseman Steve Garvey, second baseman Lopes, shortstop Bill Russell and third baseman Ron Cey, whom did they get in return?

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Turning a deaf ear: Grant Hill of Duke, seeking consolation, phoned Chris Webber of Michigan after the Blue Devils suffered their third loss of the season.

“I’m sitting here giving him this sob story,” Hill said, “and he’s like, ‘What are you talking about? You all are a very good team. You have to realize that.’ ”

Webber must, certainly.

Duke has defeated Michigan three times during the last 14 months, once last April in the NCAA championship game.

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Something old, something new: When Robert Parish of the Boston Celtics started his NBA career in 1976, Shaquille O’Neal of the Orlando Magic had another year to go before entering kindergarten.

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Living dead: Rick Mahorn, signed as a free agent by the New Jersey Nets, told the Boston Globe that he would have liked to play for the Celtics.

“But they weren’t one of the teams that contacted me,” he said. “Are you kidding? I’m 34. I would have made them older. Do you want their whole front line to be a walking graveyard?”

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Bogey man: Drag racer Jerry Eckman, who will compete in the rain-delayed NHRA Winternationals today at Pomona, tells friends that he has played golf only three times, but that he almost got a par once on a par-three hole.

“I hit it off the tee like a shot, right down the middle of the fairway,” he said. “Then I lifted it onto the green with a great approach shot. If I could only have made that six-foot putt, I’d have had the par and knocked my score down to 111.”

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Kiss of death: Bruce Keidan of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, also known as The Answer Man, on why the University of Pittsburgh extended the contract of football Coach Paul Hackett less than a year before it fired him:

“Tradition. Having started the practice with Foge Fazio and continued it with Mike Gottfried, Pitt was reluctant to fire its football coach without first giving him a contract extension by way of a warning. It is similar to the Mafia custom of giving the soon-to-be dearly departed a kiss on the cheek.”

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Trivia answer: Lance Hudson, a minor leaguer who never played for the Dodgers.

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Quotebook: Opera diva Marilyn Horne, asked if she had any regrets in life: “I wish I’d been a really great tennis player.”