A fabled stretch of concrete re-emerges: “County...

A fabled stretch of concrete re-emerges: “County firefighters have CANCELED a search for a person who reportedly fell in the Los Angeles River near Imperial Highway in South Gate,” City News Service notified the media. ‘The river is almost dry.”

Something is no longer rotten in Glendale: The Glendale Galleria was good enough for President Clinton, who visited there last December. But the Odor-Eaters Hall of Fumes has vetoed a return visit.

The shoe insole manufacturer was unhappy with the reception accorded a regional Rotten Sneakers Contest at the mall. So the latest competition bypassed the L.A. area.

“We learned that something like this is not so successful at a mall where people are shopping,” said a spokeswoman in White Plains, N.Y. “The merchants aren’t very gracious, either. They think people should be there for shopping, not for an outside activity.”

And some people just don’t appreciate culture.

Especially if they’re talking cream of mushroom: Harry Hultine of La Canada Flintridge came upon a flyer in which a local carpet cleaner made what would seem to be a safe claim (see excerpt).

A priest, a rabbi and a librarian walk into a bar. . . : “Share your best printable library or librarian joke and win a gift certificate for two free books,” says a newsletter from the Sunland-Tujunga Branch Library.

The notice, passed along to us by Kirk Weiss of Tujunga, says that ‘because of the magnitude (or lack of it) of the prize, this contest is open to everyone, including mimes, relatives, employees, flautists, philatelists, convicted felons and Friends of the Sunland-Tujunga Library.”

You can deliver your favorite joke on the Dewey Decimal System to the Sunland-Tujunga branch, 7771 Foothill Blvd.--in writing, not out loud. Remember this is a library.

For Sale is in fourth place: In the 13th City Council District, where crime is a major issue, the leading candidates in terms of lawn signs seem to be Tom LaBonge, Jackie Goldberg and Westec Security Inc.

The deputy at the wheel was a good sign: Randall Borden of Newhall saw one of the L.A. County sheriff’s prisoner buses zooming up the Golden State Freeway “with a bumper sticker on back that asked, ‘How are we doing?’ followed by an 800 number.” Borden added, “As far as I was concerned, they were doing just fine.”

miscelLAny:

An herb-filled Zen pillow, clothes made from marijuana, and light and sound machines intended to cure smokers will be on display at the Whole Life Expo, March 19-21, at the Pasadena Convention Center.