Unsmiling comic: A new radio ad by...

Unsmiling comic: A new radio ad by the local Harris & Frank clothing chain quipped that tax time would leave people’s wallets “flatter than Roseanne Arnold’s singing voice.”

Arnold wasn’t flattered by the reference to her screeching, 1990 rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Especially when the ad followed so closely upon another indignity suffered by her family--an actress for the “Seinfeld” TV show used the studio parking spot of Arnold’s husband, Tom, a few weeks ago. (That actress later found obscenities scrawled on her car, as well as a photo of a large man’s naked posterior.)

Harris & Frank learned of Roseanne Arnold’s anger via telephone.


“Her attorney phoned and threatened us,” said Fernando Lemus, H & F’s president, who explained that the ad had only been meant in fun.

So, the Harris & Frank spot has been electronically altered to beep out Arnold’s name.

An excerpt of Arnold’s rendition, however, is still a staple of Jim Healy’s wacky sports show on KMPC radio. Oldies-but-baddies never die.

On the trail of Pedro: You might think that Beacon H. Pedro would be nervous after receiving a letter from the state Franchise Tax Board that said:

“We have reviewed our files of 1991 California personal income tax returns. Our files do not show you filed a . . . return.”

But Beacon H. Pedro isn’t worried because there’s no such person. The letter was sent to the Beacon House Assn. of San Pedro, an organization for recovering alcoholics. “Somehow they (the state board) mistook our tax-exempt registration number for a Social Security number,” said Beacon House spokesman Art Vinsel.

As you may have noticed, the income tax police seem to go after high-profile offenders around this time of the year. But Beacon H. Pedro doesn’t qualify, even if it is two stories tall.

Like Roseanne hitting a high note: Cary Baker of Studio City came across a flyer that had been edited to make it clear that a wrecking company’s specialty was “demolition,” not “damaging.”

Feline crime wave: Ellen C. Boughn of Ojai passed along a letter that appeared in the Ojai Valley News from three women complaining about “harassment” by a “black and grey Tom Cat” against other cats. The Tom, they alleged, has “concentrated on one particular house, where he attacked and attempted to rape the residents’ young altered female, barely more than a kitten. She was badly hurt and remains terrified and afraid to go out.”

Unusual revival: For several days, federal agents in Waco blared out Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’ ” in an effort to induce cult leader David Koresh into surrendering. How come no one gave Roseanne a chance?


The motto of Arrow Radiator in Irwindale is: “A good place to take a leak.”