THE VOICES OF MOTHERHOOD : Veronica Minh Van Vo, ANAHEIM

Widowed. Works as a resource specialist for the Orange Unified School District and teaches English at night at local community colleges. Has two children: Linda Cao, 20, and Paul Cao, 18. The family escaped from Vietnam in 1980. Her husband, Chung Minh Cao, died of dehydration during the trip.

“When I first came here I had no relatives, no friends and I stayed in a garage. I didn’t have anything. The customs officer in San Francisco asked where is my luggage. I didn’t have any.

I started with zero. It was really challenging for me. I had to keep my mind strong. I didn’t want the children to be influenced by the loss of my husband. They had witnessed the burial of my husband into the sea.

To some extent, I am a conservative mother. When I was young, my parents sent me to a French Catholic school, and the nuns were really, really hard on discipline.

(My children) have to go to catechism every weekend, to get their Confirmation. I want them to do well in every aspect of their life, even in religion. Thanks to the nuns at the catechism school, they do not misbehave.

But I let them join the extracurricular activities at school. I let Linda play soccer, and Paul has been in the marching band. They seem to have adjusted really well to American society. Both of them speak English fluently with no accent, and Spanish.

Since they were babies I have taught them two key factors: I want them to have self-discipline--they try to plan ahead for everything they do--and I want them to be community-oriented.

I think a life is too short. I have this philosophy that we are thankful to be in a free country. We need to do something good for the community. I want to serve as a good role model.

I would like them to do as much as they could to alleviate the burden of the society. I feel really happy with the children when they do something good at school. They receive awards, like my son was elected to be student of the month or my daughter received an award. I feel really good.

My children are open to me because they know I understand them and I love them.

We need to let children know that we actually love them and we understand. We have to listen to their problems. If the children feel they are forgotten, they might rely on their peers. Thank goodness my children’s friends are OK. I am so happy my children have good friends.

I want them to be strong-minded like their mom. They tell their friends that they need to live up to their mom’s expectations. This is my reward. “