FAMILY : What Fights Say About Marriage

The best predictor of divorce among couples married seven years or more is not how fairly they fight, but how often, a new study finds.

Frequent arguments were as likely to lead to split-ups among couples who fought “clean” as those who fought “dirty,” found Ronald Kessler, professor of sociology at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. His team periodically surveyed 691 married couples over a three-year period.

The average married couple, the researchers found, has one “serious” fight a month, excluding minor tiffs. “Among couples who fought once a week or more, the divorce rate started to climb,” adds Katherine McGonagle, a research team member.

The study findings, Kessler says, suggest that the calm, rational approach to marital fighting often suggested by marriage counselors isn’t a cure-all.

Why is frequency of arguments such a good crystal ball? “After the first seven or eight years of marriage, for most couples the frequency of arguments declines (because) anything that can be worked out is worked out,” Kessler says.

Those who still bicker probably have irreconcilable differences that lead to split-ups, says Kessler, whose study is scheduled to appear in the Journal of Personal and Social Relationships.