Trying to break the politician’s addiction: “No...

Trying to break the politician’s addiction: “No Gifts,” says a sign in the office of Jackie Goldberg, the newly elected City Council member.

No joke.

Council members are permitted to accept $100 worth of goodies per year from a group or individual, but Goldberg says she won’t accept so much as a free brunch from a friendly developer.

“We have a lot of cynical people in L.A.--and many of them live in my district,” explained Goldberg, who represents Hollywood and Silver Lake, among other areas. “I’m trying to dispel some of that cynicism.”

Do we expect the “No Gifts” policy to find as much support from the other council members as the “No Smoking” movement did?

No chance.

*

Unfortunate Timing Dept.: “Just add Bacardi,” says a bizarre billboard on the San Diego Freeway. It shows a kind of surrealistic map of the United States, with one region depicted as a vast ocean: the Midwest. You don’t get it Bacardi? Just read the newspapers.

*

Unfortunate Timing Dept., Part II: The flooding in the Midwest also caught Hollywood off guard. In the movie, “The Firm,” Tom Cruise encounters a tour guide who refers to the Mississippi as “a very shallow river.”

*

We have nothing to fear but Fred himself: The cover story in the Topanga messenger was headlined, “Canyon Quake--Ready for the Big One?” The author: Fred Feer.

*

She’s got the Caltrans blues: Deborah Parker, an L.A.-area resident who moved to San Diego, says one thing she doesn’t miss is the sight of Caltrans crews blocking lanes during rush hour. In fact, Parker was moved to write a song, “Don’t Let Caltrans Out Today.”

Describing one commute from Thousand Oaks to L.A., she warbles . . .

At the Calabasas grade

I knew it futile that I’d prayed

In lanes where traffic should be

streaming

Stood Caltrans workers staring,

dreaming,

Huddled with their pavement breakers

And other dust and noise-makers

While scratching noses, other parts,

As crew chiefs checked their reams of

charts.

Another rushing, long delay

‘Cause they let Caltrans out today.

Brings a tear to our eyes.

*

Hi, my name is Zorro and I’ll be your pilot today: A USAir flight out of L.A. made such a rocky landing in the City by the Bay, reports Herb Caen of the S.F. Chronicle, that overhead bins flew open and the passengers sat afterward in stunned silence. A quick-witted flight attendant then announced over the PA system, “Well, now that the pilot has finished engraving his initials on the runway, we can welcome you to San Francisco!”

miscelLAny:

Calling attention to studies that show there may be a genetic factor in homosexuality, a West Hollywood shop called Don’t Panic! is selling T-shirts that say: “Thanks, Mom, Love the Genes.”