We see a fire hydrant . ....

We see a fire hydrant . . . or is it a mailman?Michael Goldberg spotted a lost-dog sign in West Hollywood and isn’t sure whether it was good for business for the owners to put their company name on the poster. But, desperate to get the pooch back, Gateway Psychic apparently swallowed its pride.

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Of mice and memos: A note to the KCAL-TV news staff, written in the form of a children’s fable, tells of the arrival of “a boy mouse and a girl mouse” on Channel 9’s premises.

“The discovery of year-old bananas, apple-cores and rotting sneakers in several desk drawers very much pleased the mice,” the memo says.

“Nature took its course” and the couple “bore eight children. Other mice (also) decided to move in.”

Alas, the critters were not house--or station--broken. So traps were set out. But, the memo says, the devices were “DISARMED by people who protested the ‘inhumanity’ of spring-loaded traps. These same people made no offer to solve the problem. . . .”

The memo pleads: “Any suggestions would be welcome.”

You wouldn’t think mice would be a problem at an operation owned by the Walt Disney Co.

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All you have to say is, “I do”: A man with a British accent picked up an application for a marriage certificate at the county Hall of Records but misunderstood when told the form was good for only 90 days.

“I’m astonished,” he said to the clerk. “We can only be married for 90 days?”

Come to think of it, renewable marriage licenses might be an innovative way to raise revenues. Assuming there was a reasonably high rate of renewals.

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Evolution of a Caltrans sign: It’s always a thrill to see a work of art in progress. When Bill Pickard photographed the accompanying notice in the San Fernando Valley, it appeared that September would be a leap month this year. Then, when Susan Sanders caught up with it, September was back to normal but Caltrans was still using an alternate spelling. Stay tuned for Part III.

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There’s always an L.A. angle: After a self-professed witch was given membership in the Salem (Mass.) Religious Leaders Assn., Boston Herald columnist Don Feder asked, “Is there anything with which the Salem clergy would not associate itself. . . ?” Feder wondered whether the next inductee might be “the high priestess of L.A.’s Church of the Most High Goddess, who says she slept with 2,700 men in ‘sin-cleansing rituals’ at $100 a throw.”

Come off it, pal! Obviously the priestess would be too busy.

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Lowering expectations: Betsy Weiss saw an ad in the Penny Saver by a frank car dealer offering a 1987 Volkswagen described as “Grey beauty. Every option. Won’t last . . . “

miscelLAny:

Get-even time: A public hearing will be held Saturday morning and afternoon at the downtown Sheraton Grande hotel during which citizens can express their opinions about how the State Bar of California handles consumer complaints about unethical attorneys.