Hey, They Signed Him for Football, Not Miss Manners

Steve Woodward of USA Today giving some pointers to Mike Ditka after he made his television debut on NBC’s “NFL Live” studio program:

“We don’t borrow stuff from Doc Severinsen’s closet and wear it on TV. Or was that a cardigan from the Imelda Marcos collection?

“We don’t reach under the desk and scratch ourselves on the leg while host Jim Lampley is framing a question. We keep our hands folded and in our laps.”

Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for highest completion percentage in a game with a minimum of 20 passes?

Hello Dolly: Todd Phipers in the Denver Post: “Maybe Montreal’s Dennis Martinez nixed that trade to pitching-rich Atlanta because he felt like an implant destined for Dolly Parton.”

FYI: The average salary for a major league league baseball player was $19,000 in 1966, according to the Baseball Players Assn. The average salary for 1993 is $1,116,353.

Why not? If the Red Sox and White Sox meet in the American League playoffs, Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe suggests that President Clinton’s cat, Socks, throw out the first ball.

Moon madness: From the Boston Globe: “Florida Marlin public relations director Chuck Pool, noting that August had a blue moon (the second full moon in a month), determined that the Fish are 1-4 under full moons, 1-1 on birthdays of players named Moon (they won for Leon Moon and lost for Blue Moon Odom, didn’t play for Wally Moon but do play on Sept. 28, birthday of Moon Zappa) and are 7-15 on Tuesdays, the (former) regular night of “Moonlighting.’ ”

Golf-aholics: A six-day fantasy golf camp Nov. 19-24 in Las Vegas, has a lot of perks for campers, such as:

Round trip air fare, limousine service, luxury accommodations at Caesars Palace, gourmet meals, gifts of custom-made golf bags and clubs, clinics with leading tour players and a four-day tournament at Angel Park Golf Club, a 36-hole complex designed by Arnold Palmer.

The price tag? Only $25,000.

Freak injury: Scottish golfer Sam Torrance bruised his sternum three weeks ago when he crashed into a vase--while sleepwalking.

Net narcotic: Martina Navratilova was appearing in the U.S. Open for the 21st time when she lost to Helena Sukova on Monday.

“It doesn’t matter how many times they’ve been there,” Navratilova said of all great athletes. “It’s like a drug. You want to taste it one more time.”

Looking back: In a 1933 Associated Press poll for most dominant sports performer of the decade, 1923-1933, Babe Ruth had the most first-place votes, 23-19, but golfer Bobby Jones beat Ruth out for the honor.

Trivia answer: Ken Anderson of Cincinnati against Pittsburgh on Nov. 10, 1974, 20 of 22, 90.91%.

Quotebook: Peter Gammons of the Boston Globe on Nolan Ryan: “He has been around so long, he was once on ‘The Ed Sullivan Show.’ ”