Now it can be told: The speaker...

Now it can be told: The speaker originally scheduled to appear at a Pepperdine University convocation a few days after the Malibu fire broke out was the manager of the Detroit Tigers--Sparky Anderson.

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View from Washington: “It’s terrible when anyone’s home burns down or crashes down a canyon,” wrote Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post in a feature column. “But if it has to happen . . . who better for it to happen to than Sean Penn?”

He added that “I would not strenuously object if we all got behind the fire and fanned it toward Bruce Willis’ house.”

Kornheiser, who also writes a sports column for the Post, sounds as though his guru is the Dodgers’ Darryl (“Let it all burn down”) Strawberry.

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Ladies and gentlemen, we are now switching into our bullet-train mode: Dr. Steven Nishibayashi of Glendale was fascinated by the news that when clocks are set back an hour for the switch from daylight to standard time, Amtrak’s passenger trains stand still for an hour in the nearest station.

Nishibayashi’s question is this: “What does Amtrak do when we change from standard to daylight time?”

We’re afraid to ask.

Bad Carma: A sedan stalled on the Ventura Freeway, its flashers blinking, bore the license plate: L8 4 SURE.

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But will the Industry crowd go for submarine sandwiches? The announcement that director Steven Spielberg plans to build a Century City restaurant in the shape of a sub may bring back memories of another nautically shaped eatery for some old-timers.

The Ship Cafe was an attraction on the original, long-gone Venice Pier from 1903 to 1946. A reproduction of the Spanish explorer Juan Cabrillo’s galleon, its clientele ranged from celebrities such as Jack Dempsey and Sarah Bernhardt to mobsters such as Albert Marco, who shot two men during a party there and had to take his meals at San Quentin for a while.

Spielberg’s eatery, by the way, will be called “Dive.”

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Advertisements for themselves: There’s an actor who drives around town with his resumes and photos pasted on the outside of his car. Another thespian has taken out ads on bus benches (once the province of mortuaries). Other would-be stars have marched in front of studios carrying sandwich boards.

Metro columnists are convenient targets. We’ve received “letters” from the pets of writers begging us to plug their masters’ scripts. Another screenwriter put her plea in the mouths of her infant children, whose photos were enclosed.

Brad Loomis of Morro Bay spotted a different ploy while visiting MCA’s CityWalk recently. “A plane flew over,” he said, “with a banner proclaiming, ‘World’s funniest movie script. Need Producer. Call . . . “

Whoops--sorry, we’re out of time.

miscelLAny:

OK, we asked Amtrak. The night that clocks spring forward an hour to go on Daylight Saving Time, Amtrak trains “try to make up the time if it’s a long trip,” a spokesman said. But, he added, “we probably will be late at closer stops along the way.” No hurry, guys.