Jolly Old Court Upholds St. Nicholas : Christmas: Historical review panel rules against San Francisco official who wanted Santa to present children with a slimmer, healthier image.

He may smoke and drive like a bat out of hell and possibly even imbibe now and then. And he wears fur! Politically incorrect maybe, but forgivable flaws in a right jolly old elf. Case closed.

The Court of Historical Review & Appeals ruled against city Supervisor Angela Alioto, who wanted Santa to present children with a slimmer, healthier image.

“I’m not here to attack Santa,” Alioto said. “He’s my friend.”

The mock court met Thursday for its 74th session, ruling that Santa is in fact politically correct.

Past rulings have involved such weighty questions as “Did the Chinese or Italians Invent Spaghetti?” and “Does Chicken Soup Deserve Its Reputation as Jewish Penicillin?” (Answers: The Italians, and Yes.)

Dr. Boyd Stephens, the San Francisco coroner, testified that Santa’s “speeding and erratic” driving could be alcohol-related. And how about those rosy cheeks?

The Grinch also testified, insisting that he and not Santa had the right image for these days: slim, albeit green.

Santa himself denied all charges when he took the stand.

“I haven’t smoked in years,” he said. “I use the pipe as a prop.”

His weight has held steady all these years, Santa said. As for the furs, they were all bequeathed to him by animals he loved.

“I thought I was pleasing everyone,” Santa said.

Ms. Claus--not Mrs.--said she’d never seen her husband smoking. And he only looks fat because of all the clothing he wears to ward off the winter cold, she said.

Her testimony was key, Judge George Choppelas said in his ruling.

After all, the wife said she was the only one to see Santa “every day, au naturel .”