Platform / ‘Abused Child Can Get Help Without Resorting to Violence’

Lyle and Erik Menendez say they killed their parents after being subjected to years of abuse. Voices asked some Southern California residents whether a child who has been continually abused by parents is ever justified, morally, if not legally, to respond with violence.

SUE NATALIZIO, Mother of five, 38, member of PTA, Greenville Fundamental School, Santa Ana

I think legally, when children are being abused by a parent, then violence by the child against the parent or parents can be justified. However, the degree of violence, like murder, demands that there would have to be an awful lot of evidence that physical abuse was, in fact, taking place. If a child is guilty of a murder, and abuse was taking place, I also don’t think that the child should be punished forever. From the moral standpoint, though, the question becomes a lot harder. I personally think that violence does not solve anything. Morally, I have a lot of difficulty justifying a child harming the parents if abuse is taking place. But then again, a parent does not have a right to hurt his or her child. It’s a very difficult question.

CHILTON ALPHONSE, Founder and executive director of Community Sports and Arts Foundation and Sports Center, 43, South-Central Los Angeles

Yes and no. Legally, I think everyone has the right to kill, or do whatever is necessary, to save their life if they are in danger. If a parent is violent toward his or her child, then children have a right to defend themselves. However, from the moral point of view, I think there are enough ways a child can notify those who can help them without having to resort to violence. There are child-care hot lines, the police, social service centers and other ways. But if my daughter was in a position that she felt her life was in danger and no one was responding to her cries for help, then I think she would be totally justified to do what she had to do to save her life.

MARISA JUARDO, Mother of two, 37, South Gate

When I was a kid, I used to think my parents were the worst thing on earth. I used to hate them. My mom would sometimes really get mad and hit me when I did something wrong. But looking back on it now, and as a parent, I better understand why my mother hit me.

Probably today, some people might call that child abuse. But I think some parents resort to violence because that’s how they were brought up. In the minds of some kids, they might think a spanking or being grounded is child abuse. Of course, a child should have a right to protect himself if someone is trying to kill them. But what exactly is child abuse? What I’m trying to say is that what is child abuse to some, might not be to another.

As for me, while I understand why my mother hit me, I don’t think she had a right. I don’t hit my kids because I personally think it doesn’t solve anything. So, hopefully, when my kids grow up, they won’t use violence as a way to discipline their kids. By not hitting my kids, I broke the cycle that told my mother and her mother that hitting was the way to rear children. Because, if a child is raised with violence, then violence will be that child’s answer.

TRUDY STAMPER, Mother of high-school and college-aged children, Pacific Palisades

I don’t think children have a right to kill their parents or commit violence against them. But I also don’t think a parent has a right to commit violence against their children no matter what they might have done. Children need to be taught at an early age, be it through school, church or other areas, that parental abuse should not be tolerated. Likewise, parents need to know that it is not all right to harm your children. In many cases, other adults are present when a child is abused. These adults should take it upon themselves to inform the parents that their behavior is intolerable and refer them to sources that can help them. We are failing as a society. Society needs to become more available to this sort of thing. To stop child abuse, we must not only treat the abused but the abuser.

STEVE COLLINS, Family assessment counselor for the Coalition of Children, Adolescents and Parents, 56, Orange

Whether a child is justified in committing violence against an abusive parent depends on what type of abuse is going on and the time in the child’s life it is happening. Obviously, if a child is incapable of taking action, then that is another question. In any event, it basically boils down to self-defense. The law is very clear on this: It is not all right to commit violence against a parent and vice versa. So if it goes to court, the jury would have to determine if self-defense was justified. Did the child do all he or she could have done to find other ways to deal with the abuse? There are agencies ready to help those who are being abused.

The moral dilemma is somewhat nebulous. For example, a person who is religious may consider killing a mortal sin, but not find any problems joining the military. When in the military, you are justified to take someone else’s life. So does a child have a right to kill the parents if abuse is taking place? Let’s just say it’s a difficult question to answer.