CHILDREN’S THEATER REVIEW : Big for Its Age : Teen Shadings Are Added to ‘How to Eat Like a Child,’ but There Are Laughs for Little Kids Too

It’s evening. The house is quiet. The phone rings.

If you have children, you know what happens next.

If you don’t, here’s a clue: Pandemonium. The baby shrieks, the 6-year-old pitches himself from the top bunk and the teen-agers, at the exact instant, experience raging hunger pangs and reach for the last Twinkie.

As the shouting reaches the next area code, you begin to ask yourself the eternal question: What is it that enables children who can’t even agree on a television program to mount such a flawlessly synchronized attack without exchanging so much as a wink?

The answer is simple. It’s all in the handbook.

Delia Ephron’s “How to Eat Like a Child” is about as close to that handbook as most adults will ever get. Ephron’s book has been adapted into a series of comic musical sketches, currently being staged by the Depot Theatre Young Actor’s Company. At last Sunday’s performance at the Depot Theatre, the show drew a steady stream of yuks from kids and an equal number of wry (or were those pained?) chuckles from adults.

The 90-minute show, directed by Jack Millis, features sketches with such titles as “How to Play” and “How to Act After Being Sent to Your Room.” The script by Ephron, John Forster and Judith Kahan seems to draw most of its inspiration from the grade-school set. So, it took some time to adjust to the ages of many of the cast members (the range was from 10- to 19-year-olds, but the majority looked to be from the mid- and upper end of that).

Millis has attempted to incorporate that by adding some teen-age shadings to the vignettes. A primer on how to eat mashed potatoes was framed in a “Wayne’s World”-style talk show hosted by a totally tubular pair, and in a scene entitled “How to Practice the Violin,” the unwilling student fantasized about a 12-string Rickenbackers and Pearl Jam (“ That’s music”).

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For the most part, these and other attempts to raise the hipness level of the show worked well. Some didn’t. The beatnik-ish “How to Express an Opinion” fell flat, as did a segment on lunchroom presented a la “The Twilight Zone.”

Other sketches that borrowed from popular genres with greater success included “How to Beg for a Dog,” which features a vaudeville song and dance complete with straw skimmers and some of Forster’s wittiest lyrics, and “How to Understand Parents,” which gave basic translations of adult conversation (everything means “No”) in a “Les Miserables”-style musical setting.

But the scenes that were probably the most enjoyable were the ones that more or less played it straight, pandering neither to the kids nor the adults. Topping that list was “How to Behave in School” (prop Mad magazine inside Language Arts book, laugh hysterically. When teacher notices, mumble appreciatively, “Oh, that Tolstoy!”)

Nearly every member of the “How to Eat” cast has put in some time on the boards, and it shows. Strengths varied: Some cast members were better singers than actors, others the opposite. A few, such as Joe Alfred Lopez Jr. and Clark Damico--the pair featured in “How to Beg for a Dog”--were noteworthy in both arenas.

Jennifer Anne Brennan and Josh Shade played off each other nicely in several sketches as sparring siblings. Summer Wybaczynskeythe proud owner of one of the most malleable faces since Soupy Sales as well as a fairly impressive set of pipes, was a hoot as she asked the musical question, “Why Should a Kid Have to Walk?”

Who knows, kiddo? Better check the handbook.

* “How to Eat Like a Child” La Habra Depot Theatre, 311 S. Euclid St., La Habra. Friday and Saturday, 8 p.m.; Sunday, 2:30 p.m. Ends Feb. 26. $8-$10. (310) 905-9625 or (714) 905-9708. Running time: 1 hour, 30 minutes. A Depot Theatre Young Actors Company production. Book by Delia Ephron, John Forster and Judith Kahan. Music and lyrics by John Forster. Based on the book by Delia Ephron. Produced by Cindy Greenup and Pattie Sexton. Directed by Jack Millis. With Jennifer Anne Brennan, Clark Damico, Brandon Force, Danielle Gish, Abbe Loomer, Joe Alfred Lopez, Jr., Jon-enee Merriex, April Quinn, Stephen Reifenstein, Josh Shade, Diana Smallwood, Matt Smith, Lauren Stanley and Summer Wybaczynskey. Choreography: Kai Chubb. Set: Karen Maness. Lighting: Mike Nelson. Costumes: Pattie Sexton.