The cops hope Jack didn’t use the...

The cops hope Jack didn’t use the club: So whose photo is on posters all over town, promoting the 23rd Police-Celebrity Golf Tournament? None other than Jack Nicholson. You remember him--the guy suspected of using a golf club to assault the car of a motorist who allegedly cut him off in Studio City.

Nicholson, who faces arraignment March 31, is host of the charity golf tournament.

A spokesman for the May 14 event at Rancho Park said there’s been no discussion of replacing Nicholson, adding: “It caught us off guard and there is some concern, but at this point we are not going to assume he is guilty.”

No word on whether Nicholson will bring his clubs, or whether they’ll still be in the evidence room.

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Star of stage, screen and X-ray: KFI talk show host Joe Crummey--the pride of the Crummey family--has produced a 30-minute video of his recent brain operation. “You can look inside my head for $22.50,” he said. The video, which Crummey is marketing himself (in the absence of interest from Blockbuster Video), includes footage of the operation taped by St. Vincent Medical Center staff as well as interviews with his surgeon and some KFI personalities.

Guess it’s too late to tell him to have his head examined.

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L.A. stah: John Hamilton Scott noticed that when attorney Jacqueline M. Phillips announced the opening of her Century City practice in the Metropolitan News, she listed some real Southern California-type credentials.

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Scratching in public is encouraged: A Westside bed and breakfast inn offers “sunbathing in the buff . . . indoor sleeping accommodations with choice to bed down anywhere the heart desires . . . free run of large yard” all for $20 to $25 per day--”depending on size and temperament.” The B & B, Weezie’s Walkies, is for dogs.

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The other Watergate U.: We recently mentioned the many Watergate figures produced by USC. Just so UCLA won’t feel left out, we should add that several Nixon aides were Bruins, including H.R. Haldeman (who attended USC and Redlands as well) and John Ehrlichman.

The Daily Bruin, which recently published a four-part series, “Westwood Watergate,” revealed that still another UCLAn--ironically enough--was Alexander Butterfield. It was Butterfield who helped blow the scandal wide open when he testified about the existence of the tape machines monitoring the conspiratorial doings in the Oval Office.

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At least she wasn’t asked for two forms of ID: Irene Machuca of Manhattan Beach pulled out two $20 bills and some change for a purchase at a Pac Tel Cellular office. The panicky clerk asked: “Don’t you have a check or credit card? We aren’t set up to handle cash.”

miscelLAny:

Shopping for items, we found this historical note in the publication, the Fedco Reporter. Before Roy Bean became known as the hanging judge of the Old West in Langtry, Tex., he worked a spell as a bartender in the Headquarters Saloon here in San Gabriel.