Marriage Stands the Test of Time and Spans 2 Continents

In preparation for their parents’ recent wedding anniversary, Chan-Yong Kim and his brother and sister decided to look up the traditional names associated with anniversaries.

The list says silver for the 25th anniversary, then gold for the 50th. If a couple makes it to 60 years, it’s their diamond anniversary. But what about after that?

“No one knew the name for the 75th anniversary,” Kim said. “I guess no one figured that any couple would be married beyond 60 years.”

Well, on March 26, Kim’s father, Jae-Ok Kim, and mother, Ok-Sun Kim, of Koreatown celebrated a union that has spanned three-quarters of a century and two continents.

“I don’t remember ever having a fight,” said Ok-Sun Kim, who at 87 is a year older than her husband. “The main thing is that we respect each other, always try to understand each other’s situation and give rather than take.”

As was the custom at the time in their native Korea, the marriage was arranged by the couple’s parents. She was 12, he was 11.

“In those days, parents made the arrangements so as not to lose the opportunity for having a good son-in-law or a good daughter-in-law,” explained Chan-Yong Kim, 60, the couple’s eldest child. “Even before their children were born, friends often said, ‘Let’s get them married.’ ”

After the wedding, the couple lived at his parents’ house near the city of Kaesong, then part of a unified Korea and now in North Korea. They didn’t live together as husband and wife until they were in their 20s, Chan-Yong Kim said. Jae-Ok Kim’s job as a construction contractor took him all over Korea and China, so his wife kept up the house, tended the family farm and took care of her husband’s eight siblings as well as their own three children.

With the outbreak of the Korean war, the family fled to the port city of Inchon and then moved to Seoul, South Korea, in the late 1950s.

In 1973, the couple moved to the United States to be with their children, who had left South Korea to continue their educations and pursue careers in Southern California.

Although they enjoyed being around their three children and eight grandchildren, the couple wanted friends their own age, so they moved into an apartment building in Koreatown where they became active in the Korean senior citizens’ association and their local church.

Over the years, Jae-Ok Kim has given lectures to schoolchildren about Korean philosophy and culture, practiced calligraphy and studied English.

“He’s worn out a couple of Korean-English dictionaries,” his son said. “And even though all his children wear glasses, he still doesn’t need them.”

Chan-Yong Kim said his father is somewhat conservative while his mother “has a more liberated side. It’s a good blending.” Unlike many older Korean couples, the Kims can occasionally be seen holding hands when they walk down the street, said Kyung-Yong Kim, their second son.

“God gave us health and happiness and we’ve enjoyed our time together,” said Ok-Sun Kim, the more talkative of the two.

Chan-Yong Kim, who runs a tae kwon do school in Cerritos, sees his parents as role models for younger couples: “Maybe times aren’t always happy, but when an unfavorable situation develops, rather than saying, ‘The heck with it,’ there’s always a way to reconcile the situation and work things out.”

The family invited about 300 guests to the anniversary celebration at a Koreatown restaurant, but an additional 100 well-wishers showed up after local Korean-language newspapers ran stories about the couple.

The Guinness Book of World Records lists two couples who were married for 86 years, so the Kims have a goal to set their sights on. In the meantime, Ok-Sun Kim has a simple plan: “After all these years, my responsibility is to continue to love my husband, never hurt his feelings and and make sure he eats well.”