How to Apologize--Without Regrets

To effectively give and receive apologies, experts suggest keeping the following tips in mind:

* Don’t be afraid to apologize. You aren’t endangering yourself or your relationship by saying you’re sorry. What will harm your relationship is a failure to apologize.

* Create a non-threatening atmosphere in which to give and receive apologies.

Use “I” statements when apologizing so that the other person doesn’t feel threatened or have the urge to attack back.

When people apologize to you, simply accept it and move on. If you harp on them about what they did and rehash what happened, they will be hesitant to give you an apology in the future.

* Empathize with the person you hurt. Part of being able to effectively say you’re sorry is the ability to realize how the other person is feeling. Putting yourself in his or her shoes really helps.

* Realize that while you are responsible for apologizing for your actions, you are not responsible for how people feel about what you’ve done. You cannot be held accountable for creating another person’s feelings.

* Don’t make empty promises. If you apologize for something, it is important that your behavior coincides with the apology. If, for instance, you say you’re sorry for being late and continue to be tardy, your apology becomes meaningless.