Parenting : Battles Over Bedtime : * Getting young children to sleep when they should is achievable, but requires tolerance and consistency.

As long as there have been parents and children, there have been battles over bedtime. Some are small and brief. Others seem like never-ending nightmares.

Claire Perrier, Sherman Oaks mother of Domi nick, 6, and Nichola, 5, recalled trying to explain this to her childless sister. “She wanted to know, ‘Why is bedtime such a terrible thing with your kids?’ ” Perrier said. “I told her, ‘Believe me, it’s a terrible thing with all kids.’ ”

Pediatricians and other experts say getting young children to sleep when you want them to is an achievable goal, although one that requires tolerance, consistency and an understanding that not all kids are the same.

“I give parents examples of two geniuses,” said Dr. Willa Olsen, a Northridge pediatrician. “Einstein slept 12 hours a day. Maybe not every single night, but he slept a good piece of his life away. Edison is said to have slept four or five hours. It just has to do with individual requirements, even for geniuses.”

Dr. Dennis McGinty, lab director of the sleep disorder center at Northridge Hospital Medical Center, said organic sleep disorders in children are rare.

“Most of the problems are caused by a conflict between the hopes or intentions of the parents and the child’s schedule,” he said. “It’s not like there is a right or wrong. All you can do is create a kind of relaxed state for them to be in to fall asleep.”

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Olsen suggests adopting a simple routine that can be followed each night. Children, she said, seem to thrive when expectations are spelled out in an understandable way. “You need to be able to adhere to a basic game plan so that you can keep your wits about you even if you’re tired,” she said. “Some of the defiance just comes from the age of the child. They’re asserting themselves. If you can follow through on your plan in a low-key, friendly way, they’ll handle it.”

Pam Ricks of Granada Hills has successfully taken that approach with her 4-year-old daughter, Samantha. “She expects the same thing every night--teeth brushed, pajamas on and into bed for a couple of stories,” said Ricks, who also has a 2-year-old son. “You just have to find something that works for you and your kids.”

Olsen suggests monitoring a child’s daytime activity as a way of predicting success at bedtime. For example, is your child getting enough to eat? “If you don’t get the calories you need, you would be tired but not sleepy,” she said.

It’s also important to factor in how much your child is allowed to sleep during the day. “A child will sleep for only one long cycle during a 24-hour period,” Olsen said. “If your child was allowed to sleep a great deal during the day, they’re going to be wide awake and ready for the party to start when you want them to go to bed at night.”

McGinty suggests taking control of the situation in the morning. “You can’t cause them to fall asleep, but you can cause them to wake up,” he said. “It might be tough on you in the short run, but if you get them up earlier and get them activated right away, they will probably be more sleepy at bedtime.”

Of course, some children will not get the hang of things regardless of how well you plan and monitor. Even if your kids fall asleep in their own bed or crib, there’s no guarantee that they will want to remain there the whole night. Untold numbers of double-, queen- and king-sized beds are full each night and morning with sleeping parents and their children.

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“Our kids have their own rooms with nice beds,” said Lucy Svensson of Canoga Park, who has a 3-year-old son, Lars, and a 2-year-old daughter, Kady. “But when they walk in crying during the middle of the night and you’re tired, well, sometimes it’s just easier to pull them in with you.

“It might not be comfortable,” she added, “but at least everyone goes back to sleep. My husband said we should sell the house and get a one-bedroom apartment.”

Opinions vary on the best way to handle sleep disturbances. Some parents let their children cry themselves back to sleep. Others try to soothe them by voice or touch.

Whatever the approach, experts suggest installing a night light in a child’s room. It serves not only as a comfort for the child, but allows a parent to see in from the doorway.

“In a way, the best message is to get parents to follow common sense,” McGinty said. “You just have to be tolerant and realize how individualistic children are.” In short, he concludes, all Mom or Dad can do is this: “Create a relaxed mood, and keep your fingers crossed.”

Joys of Sleep Deprivation

It’s 3:45 a.m., time to get to work on that story about how my wife and I manage to get three kids under age 4 to sleep through the night without a fuss.

Of course, I must hurry. Someone is bound to wake up soon, although it won’t be our 1-month-old son, Will, who’s been screaming for the last 45 minutes.

Will, in fact, is the reason that father and son are sitting here in a darkened home office. On sleepless nights such as these, you take inspiration where you can find it. I’m typing with one hand because Will is cradled in my left arm. Here’s hoping the tap-tap-tap of the keystrokes will send him off into dreamland because warm blankets, a cozy bassinet, a full tummy, a dry diaper, close proximity to Mom and an untold number of songs, rhymes and pleas from Dad have failed to do the trick.

I remember when I told my own mother of Will’s impending birth. Recalling the joys of sleep deprivation produced by my sister, brother and me, she just shook her head, rolled her eyes and knowingly murmured, “Oy.”

Still, my wife, Kathy, and I were confident that we had things under control the day Will came home from the hospital.

Casey, our 3 1/2-year-old daughter, has never been much of a problem sleep-wise. When she was an infant, any late-night partying on her part was easily squelched by picking her up and waltzing her around the living room. Nat King Cole or Madonna always did the job. Four songs and she was out. Guaranteed.

These days, Casey sleeps soundly in her own bed. She is living proof that when a child spends almost every waking hour running through the back yard and house at warp speed, she will eventually run out of gas.

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Christopher, our 18-month-old son, has always been enthusiastic about bedtime. Turn on the dinosaur-shaped twinkling lights, tell him a story and he’s sawing logs in his crib within 10 minutes.

On our first official night together as a family of five, I was feeling pretty confident. Kathy and the kids all were snoozing soundly by 8.

Three hours later, reality placed a wake-up call.

Casey called out, “Da-a-a-d,” and threw up in her bed, starting a chain reaction of tears and screams from all family members.

After hosing down the bedding and Casey’s pajamas outside, I spent the rest of the night lying on the hallway floor and ushering Casey to the bathroom every 30 minutes. Fatherhood. Hey, you’ve gotta love it.

About 3 a.m., Casey was vomiting, Will was nursing and Christopher was jumping up and down in his crib. I looked at Kathy, laughed deliriously and said, “Well, things can only get better, right?”

Things have, indeed, improved since then. Casey and Christopher are generally fed by 5 p.m., bathed by 6, and asleep for the night between 7 and 9.

Will, of course, still wakes up when he needs to be fed--or when he wants to spend some quality time with Dad on deadline. He’s been nodding off the last few sentences, so I’ll give him the honor of typing the final word on the subject before we call it a night.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz .