Parenting : Kids and Habits: Give ‘Em a Break : * From burping to nose-picking, doctors say the best advice often is to ignore behaviors rather than try to stop them.

Isaac Gonzalez, 11, can’t stop cracking his knuckles, and it’s driving his mother crazy.

“It’s an awful sound,” said Alicia Gonzalez, a public rela tions coordinator who lives in San Fernando. “It bothers me because if he continues to do this, he will have huge, ugly hands.”

Isaac also bites his nails down to the quick, a practice shared by his sister, Erica, 8. Erica’s twin, Jessica, has her own irritating quirk. She burps. Loudly.

“She does it anywhere and everywhere,” said an exasperated Gonzalez. “And of course, her sister supports her by laughing.”

Kids do the darndest things--and parents want them to stop. From burping and bed-wetting to nail-biting and nose-picking, children’s nasty habits are always annoying, often unattractive, sometimes embarrassing and occasionally unhealthy.

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But before taking steps to put an end to a particular behavior, Tarzana pediatrician Nan Zaitlen suggests that parents ask themselves if they are overreacting.

“Parents need to distinguish if this is a problem for them --versus a problem for their child,” she said.

“I counsel parents to ignore, rather than try to break, many things they see as bad habits. If a 4- or 5-year-old child thumb-sucks while relaxing in front of the television before going to bed, is that something you really need to extinguish? If the child is otherwise fine, if other kids are not making fun of the child, if the habit is not doing any damage, we can let it go.”

But experts agree that habits that can lead to physical injury or emotional scars need to be stopped. Children who masturbate in public or pick their nose, for example, are likely to be taunted by other children, while overzealous thumb-sucking or nail-biting can lead to infections and abscesses.

Dangerous habits, such as head-banging, or repetitive rituals, such as constant hand-washing, may signal more serious problems and require professional counseling.

“Intervention needs to be initiated if the habit is happening to excess, or if it is unsafe, dangerous or socially unacceptable,” Zaitlen said.

Parents should first determine if they inadvertently encourage the habit, said Northridge child psychiatrist Stephen Surtshin.

“Parents sometimes unwittingly reward the child for a behavior. If a kid interrupts conversations, you may be irritated and angry, but you reward the kid by giving him attention and terminating your conversation. If a kid breaks toys, you don’t need to rush to the toy store to replace them. Let the kid live with the broken toy.”

Even babies quickly learn how to get their way, according to Burbank pediatrician Marsha Gerro.

“Sometimes babies who are 6 months old or older will get in the habit of waking multiple times during the night--and the parents get in the habit of feeding their babies,” she said. “By giving the children what they want, the parents are reinforcing the behavior. I tell parents to go to the child’s room and reassure them--but don’t feed them. The child will get the message that they can cry, but they are not going to be fed.”

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Bad habits are most easily broken when parents and children work together--not against each other, said Encino clinical psychologist Charles Weinstein.

“Any time you get into a tug of war, you are going to lose because the child has the ultimate control. Take a positive, team approach.”

For example, parents should reinforce their children’s behavior when they are not engaged in the habit.

“It could be a social reward, a sticker system or coins in a bottle,” Weinstein said. “Look for something that will motivate the child to stop the behavior.”

Since many bad habits are brought on or worsened by stress, tension or boredom, experts also recommend that parents introduce calming activities to their children.

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Projects that keep little hands busy--molding clay, drawing pictures or stringing beads--are especially effective.

“It is vital that parents be consistent in their efforts to put an end to the habit,” Surtshin said. “If a parent gives in just one time, it is just enough to reinforce the bad behavior.”

Stacy and David Wagner of Agoura are learning the consequences of inconsistency with 7-year-old Zach, who has the habit of throwing his jackets, backpack and shoes on the floor of the kitchen, den, living room and, occasionally, his own room.

“I keep on him,” David said. “He has to be responsible. But the problem is, Stacy will sometimes hang up the clothes for him.”

“Sometimes I do pick them up and bring them upstairs for him,” Stacy admitted. “I get tired of reminding him. It’s easier than trying to deal with him.”

As a result, David said, “I am looking at his karate uniform on the floor right now.”

What Works; What Doesn’t

* Don’t punish. “Punishments, such as ‘time out’ or bad-tasting ointment on fingers may stop a behavior, but only temporarily,” said Encino clinical psychologist Charles Weinstein. “No learning takes place through punishment.”

* Don’t nag. According to Encino psychotherapist Shirley Bekey, “Nagging and criticism make the kid resistant and angry.”

* Don’t be inconsistent. “Children only get confused if a parent gets very concerned when they do something one day but ignores it the next day,” said Burbank pediatrician Marsha Gerro.

* Do reward. “Rather than give negative reinforcement for a particular behavior, promise them positive rewards for doing what you want them to do,” Gerro said. “For example, I might promise to apply fingernail polish on a little girl if she promises not to bite her nails for a day.”

* Do work with the child. “It’s nice when you can get your kid involved,” Tarzana pediatrician Nan Zaitlen said. “If the child wants to stop the habit, you will have more success, but if the kid doesn’t want to participate, it can be a battle, and the habit can become even more intense.”

* Do agree on a strategy. “Parents need to work together to decide what the rules and the important parameters are for their children,” Bekey said. “It is important that parents have a unified front and not undermine each other.”