WATCH THAT PLACEMENT! : Trying Hard to Be ‘Major League’

Product placements are nothing new in movies--but every once in a while, a film comes along that’s so, well, enthusiastic in its use of brand-name products that you wonder if the filmmakers crafted a story that would fit around these subliminal commercials.

For some reason, sports movies seem most prone to this brand of commercialism. Last year, it was “Rookie of the Year”; this year, the new champ is “Major League II,” a film that opened at the top of the box-office list its first week and now is at No. 5. The recognizable brands include almost a dozen visible on stadium billboards, plus several more we analyze below.

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Product: Pepsi Cola.

Where it turns up: Everywhere--on machines, being consumed, on billboards at the stadium.

How long it’s shown: Often enough to be considered the official drink of “Major League II.”

Does it sell the product?: Looks like the soft drink of losers--oops, no, they’re winners again.

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Product: Evian.

Where it turns up: Being consumed by announcer Bob Uecker when the Indians are winning.

How long it’s shown: Prominently featured in several scenes.

Does it sell the product?: Not if you have to dress like Uecker--who looks like Regis Philbin channeling for Liberace.

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Product: Jack Daniels.

Where it turns up: Uecker drinks himself into oblivion in the booth when the Indians take a dive in the standings.

How long it’s shown: You have time to read all that printing on the label.

Does it sell the product?: Only to people who believe that drinking will solve their problems.

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Product: Right Guard Sports Stick.

Where it turns up: During the shooting of a commercial featuring Rick Vaughn (Charlie Sheen), in which he keeps blowing his lines.

How long it’s shown: Product itself is shown at the end of the faux ad--upside down (it’s a joke).

Does it sell the product?: Yes--because these folks obviously have a sense of humor.

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Product: Gatorade.

Where it turns up: Emblazoned on the side of cups in the locker room.

How long it’s shown: Each time the action moves indoors.

Does it sell the product?: No--because the Gatorade dispenser is sitting next to an espresso machine, which looks much more inviting.

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Product: “The Tonight Show.”

Where it turns up: As part of his agent’s marketing plan, Vaughn shows up to banter with Jay Leno in the middle of the film.

How long it’s shown: Long enough for Leno to reveal the strain of holding up his end of a dialogue scene.

Does it sell the product?: No--it makes you want to flip to Letterman.

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Product: Sheraton Inner Harbor.

Where it turns up: A sign on the left-field bleachers.

How long it’s shown: Every time there’s a fly ball to left.

Does it sell the product?: No--but it confirms the suspicion that, though this film ostensibly takes place in Cleveland, it was actually filmed at Baltimore’s Camden Yards.

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Product: Sony products.

Where it turns up: As brand name on ultra-big-screen TV at the ballpark.

How long it’s shown: Every time there’s a shot of the field.

Does it sell the product?: You bet--you’re tempted to watch it, rather than the movie.