Adopting a Cause: Single Mothers

Once a taboo subject, unwed mothers were very much the topic at a recent tea staged by the Adoption Guild of Southern Orange County.

John Ortega, chairman of the board and co-founder of Clothestime Inc., opened his contemporary, bay-side estate on the Balboa Peninsula to about 200 women for the guild’s “Patroness Tea.” Many guests paid more than the minimum $40 donation to attend and raised about $10,000 for the guild, a fund-raising auxiliary of Holy Family Services Counseling and Adoption in Santa Ana and Los Angeles.

Changing Attitudes

For an unmarried pregnant woman, life has changed dramatically since Holy Family Services opened its doors in 1949 in Los Angeles and 1961 in Santa Ana.

“Back then, (unwanted) pregnancy was something that wasn’t even discussed,” said Gladys Buller, co-chairwoman of the tea.

In those days a single pregnant woman was often shunned by friends and family. Typically she was “sent away,” often to another state, to have her baby, said David Ballard, executive director of HFS.

“In secrecy you’d deliver a child and almost invariably put the baby up for adoption,” he said.

The sexual revolution changed all that, he said. Society is far more accepting of single parenthood.

“There’s not such a stigma (today) for unwed mothers,” Ballard said.

Unwed mothers still face a serious dilemma: deciding whether to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. HFS provides counseling to help them decide and, if they choose adoption, assists with placement.

“We aren’t pressuring anybody (to choose adoption). We just give them an opportunity to understand it as an option,” Ballard said.

Adoption Option

Adoption, too, has changed radically since the days when the entire procedure was conducted in secrecy. “Some still think of adoption the way it was in the ‘50s,” said Sheila Arnold, HFS program manager.

Many women don’t realize that, if they go through an agency such as HFS, they pick the adoptive family that will raise their child, Arnold said. They can also maintain contact with the child as long as all parties are agreeable, she said.

Last year HFS placed 42 children in Orange County homes. HFS board member Debbie Mammen adopted two children, a 4-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl, before having her surprise “bio baby” a year ago.

For her, both adoptions were positive experiences. She is still in contact with the birth mothers. She was present for the births and invited the mothers to her home to see the babies’ rooms.

“It’s worked out really well,” she said.

HFS provides adoption placement, pregnancy and post-delivery counseling, child care, counseling for teens in schools, foster care and care for battered children.

Proceeds from the tea will go to the guild’s 33rd annual Charity Tennis Tournament, a major fund-raiser for HFS. The tournament will be held May 29 through 31 and June 5 and 6.

In addition to sipping tea and wine, guests enjoyed hors d’oeuvres and sweets prepared by Creme de la Creme and viewed fashions from 341 Bayside in Newport Beach.

Among the guests: Patricia Houston, event co-chairwoman; Rita Mungia, guild president; Lesley Covillo, Martha Crowner, Joan Fimiano, Joann Larson, Sassy Luby, Hedda Marosi, Rosemary Pfahler, Nancy Popejoy and Gini Savage.