LAUGH LINES : We Threw You a Line and You Ran With It

W hat a contest. More than 750 entries and thousands of suggested captions for both pictures in the Laugh Lines Picture Contest. Due to ties, we're awarding six winners of Humor Master T-shirts for the photo of L.A. Mayor Richard Riordan.

First place goes to Pat Berry of Perris, who will receive a T-shirt and two tickets for any evening at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood, courtesy of The Times.

Berry's entry quotes the mayor saying: "I lost 30 pounds ahead of schedule and got a $2-million bonus from CalTrans."

Other winning captions and their T-shirt-earning writers include:

* Re-belt L.A. (Carter Gregory, L.A.)

* "Nabbed these babies during the riots." (Ivan Simon, San Luis Obispo)

* "Are you sure that it's a Cinco de Mayo tradition to put a tamale down your pants?" (Ron Lux, North Hills)

* "Hold it! For me to do this right, I'll need a volunteer to play the part of the Arkansas State Trooper." (Mark E. Slocum, Walnut)

* "Are you sure this is how they wear them in the 'hood?" (Larry M. Hathorn, Lakewood)


Other finalists included:

* "Just makin' room for my inner child."

* Mayor Richard Riordan, upholding his principles.

* "And the salesman told me these were slightly irregular."

* "Lean, mean and nearly obscene: Just like my budget."

* Mayor Riordan gets ready for his speech at the Steve Urkel Fan Club Convention.

* "Paula, Paula Jones. How nice to meet you. My name is Richard Riordan."

* "This is how they posed me and the caption is going to read: 'Mayor Riordan wears khakis.' "


W hen the Laugh Lines Supreme Court tallied up the final votes for the best caption to the Yasser Arafat picture, two entries tied for first place.

That usually means a tiebreaker and one disheartened runner-up.

Not in this case. When the judges looked through the entries to find who had submitted the top two captions, they were stunned.

Reader Bill Feenan of Moreno Valley had submitted both.

Feenan, a true Humor Master, will receive a Laugh Lines T-shirt and two tickets good for any show at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood as guests of The Times.

And because of the outstanding entries for the Arafat photo, the judges decided to award T-shirts for the Top 10 entries in this category.

Here are those winning entries and their authors .

First-place tie, both by Feenan:

* "OK, point values are double this round of Family Feud and we control the board. Do we pass or play?"

* "I can take three of you in my Taurus and the rest will have to ride with Warren Christopher."

Other T-shirt winners:

* "I'm telling you. Take a few fashion risks and you'll get more babes." (Ron Lux, North Hills)

* "What about Jordan? There's nothing I can do. If he wants to play baseball, that's his business." (Sid Lazarow, Orange)

* "Stop following me! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: I'm not interested in life insurance." (Allan Pfeifer, L.A.)

* "I signed what ?" (Carl Latchman, Lancaster)

* " . . . And remember: If her friend, the blonde, asks, I'm your cousin Larry, from Jersey." (Sabastian Dahbour, Newport Beach)

* "But the lead singer is supposed to look different." (Roger Cruz, Pasadena)

* "So I says to him, "Very funny, John Paul. And I suppose that hat isn't just as goofy?" (Stu Goldman, Studio City)

* "OK, here's the play: Simon, you go short and cut behind the Humvee; Haffez, you take three steps forward and two back; Yitzhak, you go long and the rest of you block. And if I throw the bomb . . . Duck!" (Tom Hicks, Garden Grove)


Other finalists in this category included the following captions:

* "One-two-three-four-five . . . OK, now do we have a minyan?"

* "I don't care if these celebs walk in at different times. Slow down the appetizer and salad so the kitchen and you can serve the main dish once and together."

* "Mr. Arafat, we represent the Gillette Razor Company. We have a small ad campaign proposal of mutual benefit to make."

* "Look you guys, someone's gotta guard Barkley!"

* "Now remember: There's no deal unless I get top billing, gross points and North American merchandise rights."

* "Scoff all you want gentlemen, I got a wife half my age."

* "OK, which one of you guys wants to start my car?"

* "If you think I'm going to be the one to go back in there and tell them Barney's not showing up, you're sadly mistaken, my friends."

* "Don't say anything, but we're leaving the Middle East and joining the A.L. West where there's less competition."

* "Do any of you know that cute babe from CNN?"

* "Two of you will have to drop out. There were only four Beatles and I'm gonna be Ringo."

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