Drooling through college: Santa Monica College is...

Drooling through college: Santa Monica College is exploring the idea of allowing instructors to bring their babies into the classroom.

The suggestion, which would also apply to other employees, came from college trustee Ralph Villani, who said a similar arrangement had proved a success at a bank in San Jose. The bank allows workers to bring in babies “up to the age of six months or when they begin to crawl, whichever comes first,” said Bruce Smith, a spokesman for the college.

Smith said that several details remain to be worked out. “We’ll have to bounce the idea off the unions,” he pointed out.

As for classroom disruptions by a crying baby, Smith said: “The bank employees apparently help each other out with their children. Perhaps if a baby gets fussy he could be passed from student to student.”

Until someone volunteers to change a diaper.

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The new college try: It shouldn’t come as a surprise that a school in the People’s Republic of Santa Monica would be progressive.

Santa Monica College President Richard Moore came up with the idea of setting aside half an hour every Wednesday morning (10 to 10:30) to allow employees to indulge in any type of reading they prefer. Even the telephone operators get a break, with a recording

directing emergency calls to the campus

police.

Moore also arranged for language lessons in French, Spanish and Japanese to be broadcast over the P.A. system in the restrooms of some buildings. “I heard a story about one person who was using the restroom when he suddenly heard a voice say, ‘I have diarrhea,’ ” Smith related. It was the translation of a language lesson, he explained, adding: “A lot of the phrases are for travelers.”

It was also Moore who gave the best graduation speech we’ve ever read--so good that we memorized it. Appearing at the end of an overly long high school commencement, Moore strode to the dais and said:

“Feelings. Adventures. Ideas.”

End of speech.

He received an ovation.

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Illicit fare?Barbara Blaine of Claremont says of the enclosed restaurant’s menu: “I’ve never been brave enough to try No. 35.”

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No hard feelings, Deacon: We want to congratulate Deacon Jones, the former Rams football star, who has signed as a broadcaster with the team. To a certain extent, Jones is responsible for us writing this column.

Several years ago, we were asked to do a weekend sports commentary on a local television station. We had dreams of glory--of our own show, perhaps (“Harvey’s Heroes?”). Following our second witty piece, the station happened to conduct an interview with Jones, the defensive end who was once part of the Rams’ “Fearsome Foursome.” Asked his ultimate dream, Jones responded: “To knock a quarterback’s head off.”

He paused and added: “And watch it roll over to the sidelines.”

Everyone at the station was convulsed with laughter. Numerous viewers wrote in to say how funny Jones was. The following week, he was doing the weekend sports commentary and our TV career had been beheaded.

miscelLAny:

A gastropod managed by 12-year-old Oscar Hinojosa of West Covina recently crept to the top of a 12-inch pole in 2 minutes and 25 seconds to win the Great Snail Race at the Puente Hills Mall. An entry coached by 6-year-old Emily Hon of West Covina was beaten by a nose. Or is that an antenna?