VAN NUYS : Taste Tester Carries Weighty Responsibility

“We dare not trust our wit for making our house pleasant for our friends, so we buy ice cream.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

John Harrison may be the only man in the world who could claim a $1-million insurance payoff for putting too much Tabasco on his taco.

The official taste tester for Dreyer’s Grand Ice Cream, Harrison’s taste buds are insured for a cool $1 million, he told students at Valerio Street School in Van Nuys on Wednesday.

And with his employer paying the $6,000 annual premium for the policy, there’s no Tabasco period. No smoking. No drinking.

Before the 300 gawking, open-mouthed students who were being rewarded with the ice cream treat because of their near-perfect attendance records, Harrison detailed not only the wine-like subtleties of ice cream, but also what is involved in such a sweet job.

For one thing, you taste (not eat--there is a difference) three separate samples of 20 different ice creams each day. And as the youngsters quickly pointed out, that’s 60 tastes.

At the company for 13 years, the man with the million-dollar mouth--and no obvious indications of heart disease--figured he’d done the tasting and approval for about 130 million gallons of the sweet stuff.

He spends three or four hours each morning swirling the ice cream around his tongue, smacking his lips and inhaling deeply before spitting it out. Beginning with the lightest flavor--vanilla--so as not to overwhelm his pricey palate, he works his way through the heavier flavors like mint chocolate chip.

“It’s my job to check on the top notes,” he said, “the bouquet, the aroma.”

He not only tastes the ice cream to make sure it meets standards, but also is in charge of maintaining flavor continuity. If, for example, Madagascar suffered a surprise and a devastating vanilla bean shortage, it would be up to Harrison to decide on vanilla from Borneo, Mexico or Tahiti--the other vanilla giants--or a combination thereof, to make the most pleasing treats.

His tongue, he explained, is “the last door” the product must go through before it hits the nation’s freezers, and therefore a valuable protection device for the company. The $1-million insurance policy is a fun public relations gimmick, he said, but also serious business.

After relating fun ice cream facts--people in the United States eat more than people from any other country, King Henry and Catherine De Medici were the first to make it with real cream--he got down to business.

Upon finally drawing the gold-plated tasting spoon from his shirt pocket and dipping it into a scoop of marble fudge, the students groaned a groan of true envy.

At that point it was all interesting, several students said later, but it was time to put their newfound knowledge to the test.

And when Harrison asked how many licks it took on average to put away a full scoop, the voice from the back rang out without pause.

“One.”