A university run by a bunch of...

A university run by a bunch of clowns: The student newspaper at Mira Costa High in Manhattan Beach published a map that pinpointed the destinations of the 1994 grads, including UC Berkeley, Barnard, Middlebury (Vt.), and Yale--not to mention a university in Florida whose halls are no doubt paved with banana peels.

Yes, grad Michelle Siddons plans to attend the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Clown College.

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There's that city, again: We observed the other day that nearly every national news figure seems to have some link to Long Beach, the latest being new resident Paula Jones, who's suing President Clinton for sexual harassment.

It turns out we omitted two well-known physicians who once worked in the city. One was Dr. Jeffrey MacDonald, the Green Beret convicted of murdering his wife and two children (profiled in Joe McGinnis' "Fatal Vision"). The other: Dr. Jack Kevorkian, who worked for two hospitals in Long Beach from 1979 to 1982.

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Well, there goes another $2.20 that the Rodney King arrest has cost the city: Jurors deliberating in the seemingly-never-ending punitive damages phase of the King trial sent an urgent plea to the court Thursday. They needed new batteries for the remote control set for the video machine that plays the King beating back and forth.

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As anyone who has seen a TV commercial in the last three months knows: In its "Corrections" box, Thursday's Daily Variety listed seven movies it had omitted "from the list of summer releases published Wednesday," including . . .

"The Flintstones."

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Lowering expectations: Amid all the pitches for lavish apartments, Jack Brown of Long Beach found one that seems to take the opposite approach. Meanwhile, Alfred de Masi of Lawndale was surprised to find an ad for what appear to be some leftovers.

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Press releases we never finish: "If you're not able to attend a (World Cup) match, you can still join in the festivities by throwing a World Cup party of your own. One suggestion is to include an international favorite--beans."

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Sure, Al Davis has been accused of a lot of things . . . But this--well, we think the Sun newspaper went too far in its May 31 edition. The tabloid's list of 1994 "predictions that will rock America" includes a stunner for Southern California:

"Raiders attack California dam."

Anyway, aren't the Raiders more interested in the California gravel pits out Irwindale way?

miscelLAny:

Congratulations to instructor Robert Van Den Brink of Wilson High in Hacienda Heights, whose auto shop classes have labored for 11 years to convert a 1969 Japanese import into a kind of Toyota Corona hot-rod lowrider. The cruiser recently was named "Coolest Car in L.A." by KTLA Channel 5 auto reporter Steve Parker. It defeated more than a 100 other entries, including a 1958 Cadillac camper and a three-wheeled drag-racer capable of hitting 400 m.p.h., though not during rush hours.

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