World Cup ’94 : WORLD CUP / USA 1994 : It’s Our World Cup Quiz and <i> Bienvenidos </i> to It
Buenos dias! God morgen! Kalimera! Annyong hasimnikka! Dobroye utro! Guten tag! Buna dimineata! Dobro outro! Ahlan wa-sahlan! Buon giorno! Goede morgen! Bon jour! Bom dia! And I hope that includes everybody. (Good thing Iran isn’t better at soccer because I am really out of practice at saying “good morning” in Farsi.)
Welcome to all you World Cuppers from around the globe. Good day to all you Spaniards, Colombians, Mexicans and Argentines, you Norwegians and Swedes, you Greeks, you Koreans, you Russians, you Germans and Swiss, you Romanians, you Bulgarians, you Saudis, you Italians, you Dutch, you French, Moroccans, Nigerians, Cameroonians and Belgians and you Brazilians, and please be forgiving if I got your greetings wrong. My Portuguese is particularly rusty.
To the Irish, I’ll speak English.
Mornin’.
So how was everybody’s trip? Everybody get through customs OK? Anybody see the Statue of Liberty? Anybody run into President Clinton or her husband? Anybody car pool up from South America? Everybody bring their flags? Everybody ready to blow into their air horns? Everybody ready to cheer or boo--no, I mean whistle? Are you ready for some football?
Good. Have a seat, have a good time and remember the first rule of soccer: Keep your hands to yourself.
On behalf of all of our 50 United States of America--well, most of them; I still have some doubts about Idaho--I hereby bid everyone welcome to World Cup ‘94, the quadrennially quintessential sporting event.
(Try translating that into Portuguese.)
Take it from me, M.D., or, as I am more commonly known here in my country, Doctor Soccer, this monthlong jamboree will dominate broadcasts and headlines from Walla Walla to Pago Pago to Bora Bora (no relation to the U.S. coach). After the five weeks I spent in Italy experiencing the passions of World Cup ‘90, I can assure you this: There are rich folks on Earth with satellite dishes and there are poor folks on Earth with no food on their dishes, but there is one thing such folks have in common, from Switzerland to Swaziland, and that is an intense interest in soccer.
Outdoor soccer, that is.
(In parts of the United States, balls are kicked off walls.)
“Doctor Soccer’s World Cup ’94 Intelligence Test,” coming up forthwith, is provided today to test your knowledge and acumen. Score 10 points per correct answer. Perfect score is 200. For those who score 150-190 points, you are so smart, you must be a foreigner. For those who score 100-140, you wouldn’t know Manchester United from Winchester Cathedral. For those who score 50-90, duh, no, the goalkeeper does not wear a mask. For those who score 10-40, you can’t even read this newspaper, so why am I scoring you? For those who score 0, when did you first decide to work for the media?
Answers to follow.
1. Orlando, Dallas and Palo Alto are:
(a) Three World Cup host cities. (b) Cities with no Streisand tickets left. (c) Brazil’s three best players.
2. Cobi Jones is:
(a) An American player. (b) A famous railroad engineer. (c) That woman suing Bill Clinton.
3. World Cup ’90 was won by:
(a) West Germany. (b) East Germany. (c) Downtown Germany.
4. Valderrama is:
(a) A great midfielder for Colombia. (b) The forbidden dance. (c) The big Valder festival.
5. In case of riot:
(a) Walk, don’t run. (b) Go to a neutral corner. (c) Go to a neutral country.
6. Pele appeared in the film:
(a) “Victory,” with Sylvester Stallone. (b) “Ladybugs,” with Rodney Dangerfield. (c) “My Left Foot,” with Daniel Day-Lewis.
7. Italy’s goalkeepers include:
(a) Luca Bucci. (b) Luca Brasi. (c) Susan Lucci.
8. The “three tenors” are:
(a) Carreras, Domingo, Pavarotti. (b) Crosby, Stills, Nash. (c) Three soccer players who upon being kicked will turn soprano.
9. A referee’s worst fear is:
(a) An unruly crowd. (b) Bunched-up underwear. (c) Swiss hooligans.
10. Roger Milla:
(a) Plays forward for Cameroon. (b) Sang “trailers for sale or rent.” (c) Broke Babe Ruth’s home run record.
11. Five to one:
(a) Was the score of the 1990 U.S. loss to Czechoslovakia. (b) Are the odds against the U.S. winning in 1994. (c) Will be the score of the championship game thanks to the new “juiced” ball.
12. Best way to stop Maradona is:
(a) Keep with him wherever he goes. (b) Keep yelling, “Your shoe’s untied!” (c) Just leave it to Jeff Gillooly.
13. Saudi Arabia’s team:
(a) Opens against the Netherlands. (b) Speaks very little Dutch. (c) Could defeat any team from the American League West.
14. U.S. midfielder Tab Ramos:
(a) Was born in Uruguay. (b) Played his college ball at North Uruguay State. (c) Has relatives named Nehi and Fresca.
15. One of Greece’s players is:
(a) Alexandros Alexandris. (b) Aristotle Aristotlis. (c) Jimmy The.
16. Standard dress for Morocco is:
(a) Red shirts, red shorts, red socks. (b) White dinner jacket, black tie, red carnation. (c) No shirt, no socks, small fan, plastic water bottle.
17. Romania’s Hagi is known as:
(a) “The Maradona of the Carpathians.” (b) “The Wild Bull of the Pampas.” (c) “The Hick From French Lick.”
18. FIFA stands for:
(a) Federation Internationale de Football Assn. (b) Fantasy Island Fire Auxiliary. (c) Football in Funny Apparel.
19. Red cards customarily mean:
(a) Automatic ejection. (b) A heart or a diamond. (c) “Stop,” whereas green cards mean “go.”
20. Score of the Cup final will be:
(a) One to nothing. (b) Nothing to nothing. (c) Nothing to minus-nothing.
ANSWERS: (1) a; (2) a; (3) a; (4) a; (5) a; (6) a; (7) a; (8) a; (9) a; (10) a; (11) a; (12) a; (13) a; (14) a; (15) a; (16) a; (17) a; (18) a; (19) a; (20) probably a.
