THEATER REVIEW : ‘Theft,’ Hudson’s 8 One-Acts, Won’t Steal Your Heart

There’s a general blurriness to “Theft,” the evening of eight original one-acts at the Hudson, that gives the impression of a work in progress.

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These plays were chosen from among some 40 submissions. The result compares unfavorably with the “Act One” one-act festival at the Met, which culled its material from more than 2,000 entries.

Granted, “Act One” had the corporate sponsorship of Showtime, but the failure of “Theft” has less to do with shallow pockets than an overall crisis of conceit. The plays, all of them on the theme of theft, are uncomfortably akin to writing assignments, and the efforts of a few precocious students cannot redeem the production.

The evening starts off disappointingly with Rick Cleveland’s “Flattened in Northridge: The Jeffrey Gore Story.” In contrast to his sharply funny “Tom and Jerry,” currently playing in the Met series, Cleveland seems to be straining for comic effect in this drama about a hero of the Northridge quake whose life is preempted by a television producer and star. Appropriately titled, the play is curiously flat, as is Jeff Murray’s direction.

A quirky examination of fate’s bitter imbalances, Leigh Fortson’s “My Secretary” is more promising. However, the play is freighted with a cumbersome central performance by Nicolette Chaffey, whose stiff-upper-lip quality keeps us at arm’s distance from her character’s emotional torment.

“Defending Matisse” by Gib Johnson is an embarrassingly lame effort about a wealthy dilettante who falls in love with a raccoon. In Evan Gore’s “The Mystery of Circumcision,” Gore plays a moyel at a bris who rambles entertainingly about the significance of the ceremony before he snips. Gore’s audience-pleasing avuncularity carries his folksy but somewhat slight sermon.

Aline Brosh’s “A Guy Walks Into a Bar” is an inchoate and hyper comedy regarding the chance coupling of a motor-mouthed feminist intellectual (Jackie Sloan) and her one-night knight (Lawrence H. Toffler).

A stand-out piece almost salvages the second act. Jonathan Tolins’ “Stewart’s Line” depicts a sardonic social misfit whose razor wit is his most precious--indeed his only--possession. Tim Maculan, John Ducey and Rachel Bradley perform superbly under Anthony Arkin’s crisp direction.

Another successful second-act offering, Kristin Rusk’s “You Were Saying,” a sharply tuned satire, directed by Ian Deitchman, depicts a woman whose significant other is stealing her voice--and may well be out for her soul. J.P. Manoux and Ana Gasteyer amusingly portray respective incubus and victim.

The final play of the evening, Greg Rice’s “Stealin’ (Expletive),” is a would-be absurdist poo-poo joke a la Beavis Ionesco that should have been discreetly scooped into the reject pile. The fact that the show closes with this particular offering is yet another example of “Theft’s” malfeasances.

* “Theft,” Hudson Theater, 6539 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood. Thursdays-Sundays, 8 p.m. Ends June 26. $15. (213) 660-8587. Running time: 2 hours.