Rams Quarterback Finds Address He Can Live With

So, I bravely asked Chris Miller, quarterback of the Rams, would you tip over my desk if I called you “Chris?”

Speaking on the phone Tuesday from his home in the wilds of central Oregon, the successor to Jim Everett got a pretty good laugh out of that. Yes, he had seen Everett upend the table in front of talk-show taunter Jim Rome after the host contemptuously had kept alluding to the quarterback as “Chris Everett,” rather than Jim-to-Jim.

“You know, I was on the Romey show myself,” Miller said. “All I can say is, you can’t be testing a man’s manhood that way. The way I see it, Jim Everett did what needed to be done. It’s just lucky for everybody that he didn’t do some pounding-on with his fist too. Some pounding on somebody’s face.”

Actions do speak louder than words at times, regrettably.

Miller remembers his last appearance in Atlanta, after his knee had imploded like a tire. From the field, he could hear a fan or two boo. So, he knows full well what Everett went through.

“Oh, and then, real smart of me, I gave ‘em another reason or two to boo,” Miller said, chuckling at the memory of his own misbehavior. “I guess I made what you’d call a couple of obscene gestures.

“What can I say? My knee’s blown out, and some man’s sitting up there calling me names like I did it on purpose. You don’t look up and say, ‘Merry Christmas’ to the guy.”

The second Ram exhibition game will be against the Falcons in Atlanta.

“Yeah, I’m not expecting a hero’s welcome home,” Miller said.

He was supposed to bootleg Tuesday down to Orange County to continue acclimating himself to the Rams, get acquainted with some of the new pass-catchers like Jessie Hester and rookies Isaac Bruce from Memphis State and Craig Brantley from Rutgers, play some catch, check in with the coaches, close the deal on a place to live.

But he missed his flight.

“Hey, don’t forget, up here in Oregon where we live, you only get a couple of chances a day to get out,” Miller said. “We’re lucky if the airline leaves twice for anywhere.”

He was in a good mood. First and foremost, he feels great. The knee? The knee couldn’t be better. The home front? Building a new home in Bend, working out daily in Eugene and going home to a wife whose baby is due Aug. 26, one night after the Ram exhibition opener against Arizona.

As for the change of scenery, Anaheim sounds absolutely divine, particularly to an old Pomona-born, Claremont-raised kid of 28 whose boyhood heroes were Merlin Olsen, Roman Gabriel, Lawrence McCutcheon, the Youngbloods and the likes.

Damn glad to be a Ram, that’s him.

Oh, one thing, though:

“Guess I have to be prepared to be in Baltimore or St. Louis too, huh?” Miller asked.

Guess so.

“That would really be something, especially if the Raiders end up going to Oakland too. I just can’t see that area letting both teams get out of there. It’s my gut feeling that if we take care of business on the field this season, if we keep improving and keep the crowds coming out, there’s no way they’ll let us get away. But then again, what do I know?

“I’ll tell you what I do know. I enjoy warm and I enjoy grass. I’ve been to Baltimore and it’s cold there. I’ve been to St. Louis and they’ve got that crazy turf there.

“Maybe they should move up here to Oregon.”

I tell Miller that I’ve been to both Baltimore and St. Louis, and you can’t get a flight to either one of them from Oregon.

John Wayne Airport has another passenger manifest with Miller’s name on it. He’s due down directly. One by one, he is being introduced to the new offensive linemen the Rams have hired to protect him, large guys who make John Wayne look like John Wayne Bobbitt.

Guys like Wayne Gandy, the first-round draft pick from Auburn, who shook hands with Miller at mini-camp and told him: “I’m looking forward to protecting you.”

I asked Miller what he said to Gandy.

“I said, ‘I’m looking forward to the same, my man.’ ”

The Rams told us they would draft Trent Dilfer, a quarterback, not some lineman, I mentioned.

“Yeah, well, they promised me they wouldn’t,” Miller said, laughing again. “If Chuck Knox tells the media something, maybe you’d just better expect the opposite.”

OK, Chris, I said.

Wait. It is OK to call you “Chris,” right?

“Hey,” Miller said. “It fits.”