Heavy Thoughts on Image and Reality : Health: Mexican food, Chinese food, popcorn--and now Goobers?

It took health experts to find out what I’ve been saying for years. It’s not how much you weigh, but how you get around weighing that much that counts.

One report cited our President as a good example. While he won’t give Fabio a run for his money, he does run an 8.5-minute mile and maintains an amazingly low cholesterol level. All this despite being so, well, substantial. That’s what I’ve always liked about Bill. He’s the only person besides me who exercises on a regular basis and is still chubby. It’s been scientifically supported that Bill and I are just fine the way we are, although I still think he’s fudging when he says he weighs 210.

At the same time, these so-called experts are giving movie popcorn a bad rap. They even published a list of other theater goodies and their real-food equivalents. For example, a box of Goobers is comparable in fat content to an entire Mexican dinner. Who cares? I want my Goobers!

With no scientific training or tax dollars, I’ve made some discoveries of my own. For one, men have no concept of how much women really weigh. And why should they? Their frame of reference is the statistics of those brain surgeons and electrical engineers-in-training who pose in men’s magazines (“Tawnee: 5’11”, 44DD-26-36, 105 lbs.”) Puhleeze! Those silicone jobs alone must weigh in at 25 pounds apiece.

Our pathetic commercialized society is to blame for our pursuit of unrealistic body images. You know things have really gone too far when a man is given carte blanche for his obligatory last meal and orders a diet cola.