Cynical Politicians Are Wasting People’s Valuable Time

Paging Will Rogers. Where’s O. Henry when we need him?

They’d have a blast with family values. O. Henry would scribble a couple lines and Rogers would ruminate, and between them they’d capture the silliness and cynicism (take your pick) of politicians telling the rest of us about the virtues of being virtuous.

Or, as Hawkeye once said on “M*A*S*H,” “It’s nice to be nice.”

Before the issue worms its way any deeper into national political discussion, can’t we all stipulate that we’re foursquare behind “values” but that politicizing it amounts to nothing more than cheap rhetoric?

Dan Quayle apparently is going to base an entire career around family values. President Clinton, who at least discusses the subject in ways much more listenable to my ears, is on the kick too.

I cruised over to Orange Coast College Friday to pick the brains of a few college students. Since they’re the people who presumably have been missing out on “family values” in recent years, I was curious to see what they made of the whole business.

Happily, most of them thought the whole thing is silly.

The several students all said they considered themselves to have values. What came across, however, is that they picked up their values in different ways. Some felt their parents instilled them; others believed they picked them up either instinctively or from observation.

Most thought a President couldn’t do much about the subject.

I asked Erika Freison, 17, if she thinks she has values. “Very much so,” she replied.

Where did they come from? I asked.

“Just from life and experience,” she said. “Let’s say your parents say honesty is the best policy, and you find $5 lying on the street. But say you’re hungry and don’t have any food. Are you going to give it back or are you going to feed your growling stomach? Nine times out of 10 you’re going to feed your growling stomach.”

Jason Mauch, 18, said he got his moral compass from his parents, mainly from watching how they acted. And while he said he may not have adopted their “outlook on life,” he believes he has embraced their moral code.

But as for values becoming part of political discussion: “It shouldn’t have anything to do with being President,” Mauch said. “The President isn’t our parents. They just throw it out to make themselves sound better.”

I asked how he reacts when he hears politicians talking about “family values.”

“Just blow it off,” Mauch said.

Phuong Nguyen offered a mild dissent. She’s 18, and while conceding that values come mainly from the family, she added: “It’s important to talk about family values, because morality is not very important (to people) now. So we should talk about it, so young people have some ideas about it.”

Aaron Thompson and Shana O’Connor were dismissive of Mr. Quayle’s overtures. “I’m sure Dan Quayle and the people who support him might disagree, but I have values,” Thompson, 19, said. He added, however, that many young people form their own values. “Parents really don’t have that much influence,” he said. As for politicians entering the fray, Thompson said, “I think it’s ridiculous.”

O’Connor agreed, saying Quayle is just trying to attract attention and make himself sound more important than he really is. I asked if she believes she has values. “I’ve got a few,” she said, with just the right touch of insouciance when someone is so presumptuous to ask such a question. “I don’t know if you’d call them values, but the things I believe in.”

Lots of oldsters are presumably worried about young people’s “values.” We read about the 11-year-olds murdering people or selling crack and tend to forget that millions of other teens and preteens have a pretty good grip on what’s right and wrong.

If the college students I talked to Friday are typical, lectures from the Dan Quayles of the world are probably going to go in one ear and out the other.

As Erika Freison said, “It’s not really family values, because most families are separated or divorced or remarried or whatever. And some of the things your parents teach, you’re not going to follow because you don’t believe it.”

I didn’t get any sense of moral drift from talking to these students. I got the clear impression they’d be resentful of people suggesting they don’t have any values.

Talking to them just deepened my feeling that turning values into a political issue is bogus. We all want a society with values, and most of us believe we have them. For those who don’t have them, politicians talking about it isn’t going to make much difference. If politicians behave in virtuous ways, that will be enough of a contribution from them, thank you very much.

So, with apologies to O. Henry, this humble entreaty to those worried about my values:

“If I swear that Madonna is no longer a turn-ona,

“Will you grant me a wish and leave me alone-a?”

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday.