Why Must There Be Rules on How Girls ‘Should’ Be? : Stereotypes: When she is athletic and confident, her femininity is questioned. Must she be frilly and physically inept to be the ‘real’ thing?

Rachel, Rebecca and Julia are girls. That’s obvious.

Or is it?

They’re 10 years old. Their dark hair is short, their legs muscular, their chests flat. They’re soccer players, really good soccer players, and they dress the part--running shorts, T-shirts, cleats. They’re also smart, funny, exuberant and brimming with the self-esteem and camaraderie organized athletics has given them.

But, as they have recently learned, some people consider their profile and their gender to be mutually exclusive.

It began as one of those silly sideline rumors; the opposing (and losing) team was said to have complained that Rachel, Rebecca and Julia were not, in fact, girls but boys posing as girls. Their parents, teammates and coaches were, of course, incredulous.

Rachel’s mother, hoping to dismiss the rumor as just that, approached a man on the other side and inquired as to the existence of such a laughable claim.

“I think it’s revolting,” was all the man said.

*

At first, she thought the man might be referring to the absurdity of the gossip. But his gruff tone and huffy demeanor quickly set her straight. He was revolted by the sickening sight of those three transvestites--those 10-year-olds in drag!

Well, Rachel happens to be my niece. And having changed her diaper on numerous occasions, I can attest to her femaleness. Moreover, having watched her first decade of growth, I can say that one of Rachel’s many outstanding qualities is that she is who she is--stubbornly, gloriously honest and individualistic.

Many a time have I rejoiced in how miraculously immune she is to the insidious effects of stereotypes of any kind. She can be loud and tough and aggressive; she can be quiet and gentle and bookish. She is always herself.

She is also pretty insightful. Her summation of the charge against her: “It’s so stupid.”

Rachel’s mother (my sister) and I have attempted to probe the nature of this stupidity. Does it mean that girls still must be frilly and physically inept to be “real” girls? Does it mean that if they are close-cropped and athletically skilled they must not be girls at all?

I keep thinking of Donald Trump’s comment on the Native Americans whose business acumen is rapidly edging him out of the casino business: “They don’t look like Indians,” he fumed.

Translation: They don’t look like the stock characters we’ve been conditioned to expect, and/or there’s got to be some hidden and unscrupulous explanation for their astounding success.

Anyone who’s got kids in organized sports knows what a fascinating social laboratory the sidelines can be, parental competitiveness being one of the more explosive (and ugly) chemical reactions to routinely take place there.

But one heartening observation I’ve made during my many hours in the lab this spring is that there is, in fact, a burgeoning population of Rachels, Rebeccas and Julias--girl athletes who do defy the traditional female profile. But they’re too numerous and too well integrated into their social milieu to be tossed off as “tomboys” or any other eccentric subset.

The “revolted” man on the opposing team isn’t the only one who has failed to come to terms with this phenomenon. Even my sister and I, who grew up when team sports were an exclusively male domain and we girls were consigned to cheering from the sidelines in our frosted lipstick, ran into trouble.

*

We found ourselves seeking to affirm Rachel’s femaleness by pointing out that she had just enthusiastically selected a fancy bridesmaid dress and her first low-heeled pumps. And maybe, we added, if she’d been wearing her earrings (they’re prohibited during play), this wouldn’t have happened. . . .

We were really starting to flail--What does a 10-year-old girl look like, anyway? Does Rachel look like a boy?--when my 17-year-old, an athlete himself, happened onto the conversation and with one breathtakingly spare observation put the matter firmly to rest.

“Rachel,” he said, “looks like a soccer player.”